I don't know how many weeks its gonna take, but at some point ya'll gonna recognize this is really happening. DA GAWD Al GAIB is here to enact judgement for the lack of faith that has lingered for years here. In the meantime, I'll do the service of recapping your Week 4, but ultimately, it doesn't matter. Dread it. Run from it. Destiny is arriving all the same. I'm mowing down each of your teams at a walking pace like I'm Jason in Friday the 13th. Let's get into the petty squabbles you mortals had this week.
Get off my Dak 134.35 vs Wilson! 151.75
Last week was an impressive win despite your bench looking like an infirmary. But it looks like the magic ran out. Even though you got Deebo back, I tried to tell you he wasn't part of the #GAWDSQUAD. It was only for Jordan Mason and George Kittle. Things can start looking up when you get Kupp back, but you needed this humbling moment. Putting DA GAWD's name in the same sentence as "being like you" will only result in more pain. Repent before its too late.
After struggling to get over 100 pts last week, you bounced back with a solid win. Big props to Jordan Addison and Niners defense putting in that work for you - especially when McBride and Mixon couldn't play. You even had some players on the bench show up in ways that were unexpected. Get ready to sit Dobbins next week and let him ball out though. Its inevitable. They say that in order to be happy you have to enjoy the journey and not the end goal. And its true. Enjoy your time in the sun because these memories will keep you happy during your early playoff exit.
I like to Marv it Marv it 108.10 vs This Team Iz Kang(Mort) 138.25
When the Cardinals game started, I thought it was gonna be a shoot out. Then DA GAWD walked away and made sure that the rain would move along from Florida and water the planet as it called out to me. When I turned the Eye of Sauron back to the game, I realized I let the game get out of hand after seeing the Commanders completely stop your stack. It didn't help that Breece Hall and your Jets lost either. Double sting on Fantasy Sunday. And to top it all off, you gave Gordon his first win. Just be happy your car didn't flood. Let's see what you do next week with the PPR monster Wan'Dale Robinson.
FINALLY, amirite?!?! After weeks of ridicule and an embarrassing loss last week, you got your first win and climbed out of the depths (not by much) of 12th place. Slowly but surely, you're team is ramping up into competitive form. No more starting both Steelers RBs. You got Chubba Hubbard putting in work. Plus Dowdle showing some signs of life. If the Dolphins manage to get a QB by Week 12, you might even be able to get some revenge on Gordon in Week 14 and MAYBE knock him out of playoff contention for an ultimate comeback. Just don't fuck it up.
Saved by the Dell 111.40 vs Django Achaned 121.10
Woof. I don't think there's a nice way to say this, but you might not get more than 4 wins this season. You'd think that not drafting a good QB, would make the rest of your team stacked. Trying to stack BOTH Bears WRs with a mediocre rookie QB is just wicked work. You would've got the win if you just kept Goff instead of dropping him too since that was the smarter stack. When half-moon hairline Aaron Jones is the brightest spot on your team, you should be worried. As DA GAWD AL GAIB, I implore you to trade with ANYBODY to make this better. You simply don't have the FAAB to turn this thing around.
Whew. That was a close one. With sub-par performances from your team namesake and Stevenson, its a good thing your Burrow/Chase stack worked out. Bit of a head-scratcher starting Jacoby Meyers, but a win is a win right? Also, shout out to holding on to Kyle Pitts. I hope you understand the pain of feeling like "THIS GOTTA BE THE WEEK" with him. And we all know the minute you don't start him, he's going for 6/80/TD. Don't worry though, you'll get a competent QB for the Dolphins and be in playoff shape when it counts.
The Syndicate 92.80 vs Looking at the man in Jahmyr 125.50
First McCaffrey and now Rice? DA GAWD knows you're starting to feel the pressure of some players needing to turn things around. Had Rice finished out, you probably could've stayed competitive in this matchup. With Hurts coming up on a bye, its gonna crunch time to really get your next win. Nobody knows (except DA GAWD) if McCaffrey will be back in time to turn around a fantasy season nor is there a timetable to make Waddle have a good QB. I don't envy the position that you're in. Might be time to start getting REALLY good at pickle ball this until Christmas.
In DA Good Book, they say a man who finds a good woman finds a good thing. She has successfully made your team a true contender and likely playoff hopeful. Gone are the days of ridicule. You have established yourself in this league as a formidable contender this year. You smartly sat Mark Andrews who had a donut when MANY wouldn't do such a thing. With Rice likely out for the season, that Xavier Worthy pick is going to prove fruitful. Make sure you get your girl something nice over the holidays for supporting this winning season in.
Your Chubby White Nabers 134.70 vs Team DQ 136.05
I know this one hurts Adam. Josh Allen was on a tear while you were falling short. Then when the rest of your team shows up, he leaves. One more catch for LaPorta for 10 yards would've got you your first win this week. But no. The Jets stench permeated all the way to your fantasy team. Just disappointing loss compounded by disappointing loss. I was going to put my blessing out there for you but I held back knowing that it would provide false hope. Even though you're doing worse than Gordon right now, be happy you're not Eddie. That's an even worse Jet fan situation to be in right now. Hopefully Chubb comes back when you need him most.
Ooowwweee you must've been sweating this out the same way you sweat off that weight. After starting the right QB and getting a surge from Jayden Reed, Monday night had to have you nervous. While I don't actually know because you send a message in the chat once a week, I'm sure the feelings were there. Good win this week. You can still be a contender if my Nicua Puka comes back. We'll just see when that happens.
Machine Gun Kelce 121.45 vs Muad'Dib TDs aka DA GAWD 185.90
This one was lost from the gate. With Devin Singletary putting up a measly 4.8 pts, it hurt doubly when you looked at the almost 40 points that Walker had cookin on the bench. I figured I was doing you favor. Knowing you were running into me should've had you finished with all your chores by 3pm with enough time to do some extra chores for a divorcee by 6pm. We both know you you weren't winning this matchup but leaving points on the table hurts when it comes to the hunt for second place. Keep cookin' up those bets though, because I got plans for that 50 you're gonna owe.
Are ya'll paying attention to the trends? Da GAWD is walking down on all the opps with ease. Being a supreme being requires me to crush each squad like the ants they are while having highest points. I've unlocked PPR Henry. I've got Kareem Hunt in the holster waiting to re-enact 2018 but with a vengeance. Nico Collins (who was SHAMEFULLY offered to each of you in a trade) is DOMINATING. Did we forgot how the league sounded like owls asking "who" when I drafted Jordan Mason? What more does DA GAWD have to do for you to recognize that I'M HIMOTHY ATRIEDES - GAWD of Fantasy Football? Muad'Dib of the Matchups? DA GAWD AL GAIB will show you the way.
#Amen
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