After what feels like an eternity, Da GAWD is BACK to deliver the oft requested (seldom executed) weekly recaps of the best fantasy football league on the planet. We didn't have any new rules implemented but the stakes are higher for the payouts and the coveted trophy. Week 1 had two teams start TE's with goose eggs and two teams go for over 170 points. Let's recap how all those hours of mock drafts, trash talk, and start-em/sit-ems played out for Week 1.
Ted Ammon 86.80 vs Amon-Ramen Noodles 154.30
Taking the safe road in round 1 with Sun God looks like it panned out Jesus. You could've ended up Chase'ing a rough week 1. A lot of people were concerned with taking KW3 but that Monday night performance for 42 points gave you enough to have a respectable score. Hopefully the threat of him staying healthy all season won't keep you up most nights. For now, be thankful for late production from ETN and Juwon Johnson. It could've been worse - you could've lost to Gordon. Good win on the week. Oh and I accept your apology for thinking DA GAWD got fleeced. Everyone just seemed to skip that.
The Pitts 114.25 vs King Quon 150.35
How long were you refreshing the Yahoo app and checking Twitter 'X' to see if Pitts was hurt or playing? Welcome to the pain my guy. Especially with Strange on the bench putting up a solid 10 points from the TE wasteland. I think that was the theme the whole Sunday while looking at the roster. You watched the Giants pull of a strong win while Dak and Ceedee combined for 30 points. Hopefully after that terrible Nix performance, you won't have to wrack your brain on which QB to start each week. Better days are ahead but you're gonna need help.
Looking like a great start to the season for Joel. We callin you Joel now instead of Shorty right? Someone let me know. Anyway, JJ, DJ Moore, and Trey McBride really did the heavy lifting on a week where Justin Herbert shit the bed worse than the Hyrox race lady. The week coulda been really different had you accepted that trade on draft day but the chips fall where they do. But you can't outrun DA GAWD forever. By Week 6 I'll be here when you get tired of Saquon while Jacobs is running up the charts. Holla at ya boy when it happens.
Ja'Maybegetsomepoints 126.50 vs Team 7 Heaven 141.60
On draft day, I know you wanted to go for your coveted Burrow/Chase stack. When Ja'Marr was there because of nervous Jesus, I bet you felt you won the lottery. Then Ja'Marr put up Quentin Johnson numbers. Then Loveland went missing. In a game where the Bears put up 59 points, it had to be unthinkable. Especially after watching Kmet get that TD. Woof. To top it all off, your prized kicker put up 1 point. The one that would get you "20 a game". At least the Giants won without Jaxon Dart living in the blue tent and Skattebo keeping both legs. There's always next week. Oh and don't think I didn't see that glazing for "Gooeeddaart" in my matchup against me. I see where your allegiance lies.
Good to see you on the right side of the standings for a change. We're not sure if you do research before draft day but here you are. Everyone performed good enough to get the win and there weren't any big worries for future performance other than Addison. You got this win with points to spare on the bench too. But a start em/sit em will fix all that. I hope you were texting Juan every time the Bengals kicker scored points while Ja'Marr had only 4 targets. You siphoned all those points away from Aubrey and Chase knowing Juan was punching air. Congrats on the win.
U Can't Draft Drake London 123.10 vs My Njigba 178.45
Lots of underperformances here in Week 1 Adam. CMC doesn't look like he's going to get the workload he had before. Marvin Harrison JR still running cardio. Browns still don't know what to do at QB to get Fannin the ball. AND DRAKE LONDON STILL DOESN'T HAVE A QB TO THROW TO HIM. I drafted that guy one time and knew the problem yet he's been going in first and second rounds 3 years in a row. He's an expensive Christian Watson. By the time he gets going he'll get hurt. But I don't blame you on that. I blame the market. At least Jadarian Price looked good and Olave ended the game knowing his name. Maybe things get better next week. Maybe. Didn't help you ran into the highest scoring team on the week.
During the draft, we were about to call 911 after you drafted 3 tight ends. Funny thing is that all 3 of them scored more points some other teams' starting ones. And despite such questionable drafting, you started Week 1 with the highest point total. Time will tell if you can keep this up but your first 4 players seem solid enough to keep you on the right side of the standings. With McConkey and Pierce beat up, you'll probably need to start those other TEs in the flex anyway. Great win on a week where the doubt was high.
Team DQ 163.50 vs StatueofGibbserty 177.65
Good match up for the 1st and 2nd draft picks. On draft day you were right. No matter what you do, Josh Allen can keep you in a game. Unfortunately you ran into the second highest point total of the week. You got a knack for running into those scenarios to. I wouldn't be surprised if you finish the season 6-8 with the 2nd highest point total. Bro to Bro (even though you're not reading this) you should keep Godwin on the bench for Hubbard for the foreseeable future. But you'll keep starting him anyway. I'm gonna see how many tips I can put in your recaps until you notice. Go get em next week.
Eddie told everyone how much he loved Caleb Williams and that love paid off. Besides Gibbs doing Gibbs things, the real GM move of the week was started Jalen Coker. Most leagues don't even have him rostered and you STARTED him. Ballsy move that paid off. Plus you got the production before he ended up in the walking boot. Now don't go tooting your own horn just yet though. You're still a Jet fan and like to set yourself up for losses when they matter. But for now, be happy that you AND the Jets won week 1. Things are looking up. I'm already removing Quis from your path to a semi bounce. It'll just be me instead.
Where's Scary Terry 135.60 vs DA GAWD AL GAIB 149.35
I don't know how to play this recap. On one hand, the trade worked out. I put aside my hate to see the big picture. You also had a great Burrow/Brown stack that was nullified by my GAWD powers. The matchup throughout the weekend was back and forth anyway. But then you bet DA GAWD that he'd lose. The season is long and we all know you'll make the appropriate adjustment or simply gouge Gordon's teams for scraps while he comes to terms with his failure. What I was worried about in Achane showed up but there will be weeks that it looks good. But the biggest issue is going to be knowing when/where to start Terry. I never draft the guy for a reason. At least you go Deebo looking good and Pittman might be the PPR savant in short catches. I'll take that 10 or we can double or nothing if we see each other again.
Shout out to the fake fans of DA GAWD - I didn't know we were Burning Bridges. How many times did I hear I've been bad for years despite having highest points and dominating the regular season two years ago. How many times did I hear that recaps were dead because I been losing. No more. There's G's on the Table. When Jacobs comes back, I'm gonna Make Them Pray. You'll Whisper My Name when Trevor Lawrence is the Q1 on the season. Me and BTJ will Make Them Remember. Derrick Henry already started with a Shabang. Brock Bowers gonna make Joel/Shorty STFU. And when DA GAWD wins it all with a bigger pot, I'll Make Them Know my name is DA GAWD for a reason.
#Amen
