Perfect Plex (Week 6)

 

We're 6 weeks deep in the league and the drama is just ramping up. More people are being converted to believers as miracles and prophecies continue to come to fruition. While Da GAWD was in another country, he had time to reflect on the state of the league and what has transpired in this Game of Throws. Let's get into it.

Your Chubby White Nabers 113.75 vs The Syndicate 123.90 

DA GAWD knows this win would've meant a lot to you Adam. With no Nabers or Kyren, a win without some of your best performers is the best way to capitalize on the season. The headscratcher was starting two TE's with one of them being the 19th option in a stacked receiver room. If you moved LaPorta to TE, and swapped him for Sutton, you probably could've got the win. I'm not saying you're  gonna make the playoffs (because you're not) but just fight enough not to be next to Eddie by the end of the season. 

At the time of this writing, you have just landed. DA GAWD appreciated the offerings that were bestowed before him in another galaxy, so with that, I have blessed with you with a Lazard blessing to win your matchup. I will also prevent Josh Allen from beating you and ruining the fun that you can reflect on. Congratulations on remaining focused on getting this team on the right side of .500. There's lots of season left and you'll need to continue fighting. 

Machine Gun Kelce 116.85 vs Looking at the man in Jahmyr 126.85

This week gave you all the could-a, should-a, would-a's. Why you continue to trust Calvin Ridley when he has a human whoopie cushion as a QB, I'll never know. THEN you spent $20 American FAAB dollars on Alexander Mattison to not start em. You could've started him or Michael Wilson and still won, DESPITE Goedert and Shaheed leaving their games early. Just when you get AJ Brown back you go and do something like this. Dust yourself off and try again next week. 

Just wow. Trav, you've officially moved up into the ranks of being close to the top of the dunes of Arrakis with DA GAWD. You made a gutsy call and sat Cook well before Monday. Many in your position may not have done so. Your'e making video jokes in the chat. Drafting like a champ, and firmly atop the standings. The rest of the league should be on notice that you've made the 3rd year leap that WR's do. 

Saved By the Dell 118.65 vs Team DQ 145.75

Da GAWD is starting to think you've officially checked out of the league. Maybe you're commiserating in the gym with Hector. You're both talking about how lame the league is and how ya'll don't need it. And when he leaned in for a hug, you remembered how he felt about Tom Brady. In any case, it might help to turn on the notifications in the chat. Maybe by seeing the discussion points, it could help you realize your back is against the wall. Teams don't make it to the playoffs with 8 losses and you already have 6. 

DQ, I really thought you would be afflicted by the champion curse, but it looks like you passed it to Eddie final destination style. You've now committed to Jayden Daniels, released Purdy from purgatory and have started adding players in preparation for the playoffs. DA GAWD sees all. Just leave a thumbs up emoji if you ever see this recap. I don't even need you to post in the chat. 

Django Achaned 110.90 vs This Team Iz Kang (Kwisatz) 144.70

DA GAWD hopes you're in a good place. Lowest point total of the week. No Stevenson, Achane, or Adams. You got stuck starting Trey Sermon for a measly 2.9 points while backfield vulture Allgeier went for almost 20. None of this was your fault which probably allowed you to just eat the loss. There's really not much to say about this one except don't take it too bad that you lost to Gordon. His team is better than most people think, despite how it started. 

I hope you learned your lesson from last week about trying to adopt a similar name to the GAWD. I think some of my aura must've rubbed off while I battled you in the trenches and you were able to get some commanding points from everyone, including your bench players. You probably took Tracy Jr off waivers just to prevent people like Gerald from winning. True gamesmanship. But this victory didn't come without sacrifice. At least you won't feel forced to start Olave expecting 2nd round pick returns. Congrats on the win. 

I Like to Marv it Marv it 123.60 vs Wilson! 140.50

While having a stack is always preferred by DA GAWD, the true stack is the trifecta. For your team, if either Murray or Harrison don't play/play well, the whole stack falls. That's what happened this week. when I offered you a blessing on Monday night, Da GAWD forgot that the Saleh firing was the "only" blessing you wanted for the season, so I had to revoke it. Next week when we face off, I'll try to take it easy. You're welcome. 

Quite the bounce back after having a rough time last week. Da GAWD tried to do you a favor by making sure White was out and you wouldn't have to start him, but I didn't think you'd put Jerome Ford in there. You got some great games out of Stroud, Mixon and your teams namesake. Maybe you'll get lucky in a few weeks and go on a run with Chubb. Or maybe he'll be a week to week start em sit em headache and the time you finally decide to start him - he beats the Steelers. 

Get Off my Dak 124.80 vs DA GAWD "Rojo" Al Gaib aka 172.75

No one can take away the fact that you were able to 3-peat chips in this league. Especially after taking advantage of a bad trade from DA GAWD. But there's nothing you or anyone else in this league can do to stop the prophecy that is unfolding before everyone's eyes. You think it was just coincidence that we had a matchup when Kupp and Jefferson were on a bye? You think your team's namesake put up the LOWEST QB points in a week we've ever seen - BY CHANCE!?!? It may be time to convert sooner than later. 

Highest point total of the week AGAIN. 6-0. The Syndicate was able to travel like a disciple with DA GAWD and be first hand witness of the miracles. While walking through the towns, he even asked "I still don't get why you picked up Dobbs, Doubs, however you say his name". Da GAWD explained and on Sunday Doubs went for 2 TDs. The week after Nico goes down. Many other miracles he witnessed as room situations were upgraded sight unseen. There have been many NFL teams that can repeat and be dynasties. But there's only ONE 1972 Dolphins. DA GAWD Al Gaib does it for the prophecy.

#Amen

 

Overtime (Week 5)

 

Week 5 brought the fireworks out to start October huh? Multiple teams hit some impressive heights in points scored and provided some much needed rejuvenation to your squads. Its especially impressive when you think of the bye weeks adding extra complication to teams decimated by injuries. Its almost like all the players that were garbage the last 4 weeks just showed up out of no where. Let's recap on how this week turned out. 

Get off My Dak 110.40 vs I like to Marv it Marv it 166.95

You know times are rough when you gotta start both Deebo and Jennings. They didn't even combine to 10 points. Even though none of your players were on a bye, those injuries might as put them on hiatus. Guess it was easier to just enjoy those mai thai's next to a big screen on your birthday. Takes the sting out of this loss just a bit. I don't think this was the birthday present you were looking for, but maybe Kupp comes back when its time for you to face Da GAWD next week. 

This was one of your best performances this season Jesus. Things were already looking up on Thursday when Darnell shot for the Moon and was your highest scorer. You followed that up with Higgins and Kyler going nuts. You might be shaking off some of that chip hangover at this point. If it weren't for the fact that those Jets keep letting you down, you might be able to let loose and enjoy this season a bit more. 

The Syndicate 123.00 vs Team DQ 153.00

This was a tough loss. Watching Tank Bigsby go nuts on your bench in this matchup had to leave you sick. No amount of smacking a pickle ball can take away that pain. Until Waddle gets a competent QB and two of your players come back from IR, you're going to have to continue to get creative with your starts. There's not a lot of bench spots in this league and holding that type of dead-weight could mean life or playoff death. We'll see what moves you make for Week 6. 

In a week that had almost every defense score 10 points or more, its surprising you won while the Baltimore defense put up 1 point. Either way, its impressive you've landed on the right side of .500 despite the way this season started for you. Bijan might not be showing that talent that made you take him in the first round, but the rest of your squad showed up in a big way. I've already wrote too much for someone that hasn't looked at these recaps. 

Machine Gun Kelce 124.85 vs Django Achaned 185.10

Damn. You go from facing DA GAWD last week to running into the team that put up the most points of the SEASON. I get it though. Damn near everyone was on bye for your team and Singletary was out. Even worse, Singletary's backup looked decent while the Giants went on to win. None of it mattered though because there wasn't a chance in hell you were gonna win against that many points. At least you had time to wash ALL the clothes. I'm talking linens, curtains, and blankets. You must've even had time to swap summer for winter clothes. You'll bounce back next week though with most of your players back. Just have my money. 

Good Lordy. Most points of the season so far and you could've had even more if you started Sermon over Wicks. All that contract stress you had to deal with paid off this week though. That Burrow/Chase stack went for 91 points alone. Even Kyle Pitts got into double digits. If you're lucky, Achane going down might make it easier to start Bucky Irving next week. Like I told you early in these recaps, just have your mind set on facing Da GAWD in the chip. Its gonna be one to remember. 

Wilson! 133.65 vs Your Chubby White Nabers 143.75

Ouch. No Taylor, no Mixon, and Dobbins on a bye. Had you sent a prayer up to Da GAWD Al Gaib, you might've had a fighting chance. I know its even more painful that players like Wilson go off in a week that you didn't really need them to and the fringe players you count on put up duds. The only thing going for you is that you already had 3 wins going into this game, so you could afford to lose at least this week. If you find yourself in a bind though, you know who to call. 

Finally right?? With your back against the wall with absolutely NO ONE to start and Nabers out, you managed to get your first win. I envision that you looked like Vince McMahon as Kraft caught the long TD, then Pierce caught the long TD, and THEN Slayton balled out. Despite Allen, Lamb and Kyren putting together pedestrian games, you gotta hand it to your replacements. It may not get better, but bask in the win. You earned it. 

Saved By The Dell 138.65 vs Looking at the man in Jahmyr 182.60

This is really troubling to see Eddie. You're now 0-5. Even the Jaguars managed to get a win this week. How long are you going to hold on to Hockenson while you wait for your first win? The Aaron Jones train has finally crashed (as expected) and Roshon Johnson won't keep getting those garbage time TDs. Your team is in serious trouble. Once you get to 7 losses, just call it a wrap. If you set aside 1 dollar a week from now til next draft day, you can help support starving drafters like you next year. It might be a better investment than searching the waives with your FAAB money. 

Now this deserves a slow clap. From laughing stock to one of the highest point totals scored this season. First Drake London went off then Lamar got some extra time to get busy. The biggest shocker is having the balls to lock in on Whittington (who wasn't even on DA GAWD's radar) instead of Lockette facing the Giants. If you were an NFL player, you'd be tested for PEDs by now because this type of performance needs to be investigated when compared to your previous seasons. Either way, great win. You'll be a fun fresh face in the playoffs. 

This Team Iz NOT THE KWISATZ HADERACH 119.70 VS Da Gawd AL GAIB 132.25

While Da GAWD was enjoying his time away, you thought you could play GAWD huh? Kwisatz huh? Thursday started with a solid performance from Evans. Then Chubba Hubbard and Scary Terry started putting in some work. By Sunday night, you thought it'd be fun to add a little funny name for your fantasy team after watching Sam Darnold completely faceplant against his old team. Then Monday night came....and went. You were up 3 points with Olave and Grupe to go and they combined for a paltry 3 points. Nice try though.

The universe been sending DA GAWD all the signs except stop it. The league been plottin' on me but here's the plot twist. DA GAWD keeps getting boxed in because he's a gift to this league. Despite running into the usual weakness of going away from Olympus, DA GAWD prevailed. Forget what you believe in, DA GAWD believes in ME. DA GAWD had a 20% chance to win going into Monday night. But like magic, Da GAWD's old friend Kareem Hunt came to bail him out. The same Kareem Hunt that was traded to him by Gordon himself. DA GAWD's about to drop the sequel and this is just a preview. Win number 5 in a row. Are you kidding me? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GORDON?!?!? I AM!!

#Amen

Walk Down (Week 4)

 

I don't know how many weeks its gonna take, but at some point ya'll gonna recognize this is really happening. DA GAWD Al GAIB is here to enact judgement for the lack of faith that has lingered for years here. In the meantime, I'll do the service of recapping your Week 4, but ultimately, it doesn't matter. Dread it. Run from it. Destiny is arriving all the same. I'm mowing down each of your teams at a walking pace like I'm Jason in Friday the 13th. Let's get into the petty squabbles you mortals had this week. 

Get off my Dak 134.35 vs Wilson! 151.75

Last week was an impressive win despite your bench looking like an infirmary. But it looks like the magic ran out. Even though you got Deebo back, I tried to tell you he wasn't part of the #GAWDSQUAD. It was only for Jordan Mason and George Kittle. Things can start looking up when you get Kupp back, but you needed this humbling moment. Putting DA GAWD's name in the same sentence as "being like you" will only result in more pain. Repent before its too late. 

After struggling to get over 100 pts last week, you bounced back with a solid win. Big props to Jordan Addison and Niners defense putting in that work for you - especially when McBride and Mixon couldn't play. You even had some players on the bench show up in ways that were unexpected. Get ready to sit Dobbins next week and let him ball out though. Its inevitable. They say that in order to be happy you have to enjoy the journey and not the end goal. And its true. Enjoy your time in the sun because these memories will keep you happy during your early playoff exit. 

I like to Marv it Marv it 108.10 vs This Team Iz Kang(Mort) 138.25

When the Cardinals game started, I thought it was gonna be a shoot out. Then DA GAWD walked away and made sure that the rain would move along from Florida and water the planet as it called out to me. When I turned the Eye of Sauron back to the game, I realized I let the game get out of hand after seeing the Commanders completely stop your stack. It didn't help that Breece Hall and your Jets lost either. Double sting on Fantasy Sunday. And to top it all off, you gave Gordon his first win. Just be happy your car didn't flood. Let's see what you do next week with the PPR monster Wan'Dale Robinson. 

FINALLY, amirite?!?! After weeks of ridicule and an embarrassing loss last week, you got your first win and climbed out of the depths (not by much) of 12th place. Slowly but surely, you're team is ramping up into competitive form. No more starting both Steelers RBs. You got Chubba Hubbard putting in work. Plus Dowdle showing some signs of life. If the Dolphins manage to get a QB by Week 12, you might even be able to get some revenge on Gordon in Week 14 and MAYBE knock him out of playoff contention for an ultimate comeback. Just don't fuck it up. 

Saved by the Dell 111.40 vs Django Achaned 121.10

Woof. I don't think there's a nice way to say this, but you might not get more than 4 wins this season. You'd think that not drafting a good QB, would make the rest of your team stacked. Trying to stack BOTH Bears WRs with a mediocre rookie QB is just wicked work. You would've got the win if you just kept Goff instead of dropping him too since that was the smarter stack. When half-moon hairline Aaron Jones is the brightest spot on your team, you should be worried. As DA GAWD AL GAIB, I implore you to trade with ANYBODY to make this better. You simply don't have the FAAB to turn this thing around. 

Whew. That was a close one. With sub-par performances from your team namesake and Stevenson, its a good thing your Burrow/Chase stack worked out. Bit of a head-scratcher starting Jacoby Meyers, but a win is a win right? Also, shout out to holding on to Kyle Pitts. I hope you understand the pain of feeling like "THIS GOTTA BE THE WEEK" with him. And we all know the minute you don't start him, he's going for 6/80/TD. Don't worry though, you'll get a competent QB for the Dolphins and be in playoff shape when it counts. 

The Syndicate 92.80 vs Looking at the man in Jahmyr 125.50

First McCaffrey and now Rice? DA GAWD knows you're starting to feel the pressure of some players needing to turn things around. Had Rice finished out, you probably could've stayed competitive in this matchup. With Hurts coming up on a bye, its gonna crunch time to really get your next win. Nobody knows (except DA GAWD) if McCaffrey will be back in time to turn around a fantasy season nor is there a timetable to make Waddle have a good QB. I don't envy the position that you're in. Might be time to start getting REALLY good at pickle ball this until Christmas. 

In DA Good Book, they say a man who finds a good woman finds a good thing. She has successfully made your team a true contender and likely playoff hopeful. Gone are the days of ridicule. You have established yourself in this league as a formidable contender this year. You smartly sat Mark Andrews who had a donut when MANY wouldn't do such a thing. With Rice likely out for the season, that Xavier Worthy pick is going to prove fruitful. Make sure you get your girl something nice over the holidays for supporting this winning season in. 

Your Chubby White Nabers 134.70 vs Team DQ 136.05

I know this one hurts Adam. Josh Allen was on a tear while you were falling short. Then when the rest of your team shows up, he leaves. One more catch for LaPorta for 10 yards would've got you your first win this week. But no. The Jets stench permeated all the way to your fantasy team. Just disappointing loss compounded by disappointing loss. I was going to put my blessing out there for you but I held back knowing that it would provide false hope. Even though you're doing worse than Gordon right now, be happy you're not Eddie. That's an even worse Jet fan situation to be in right now. Hopefully Chubb comes back when you need him most. 

Ooowwweee you must've been sweating this out the same way you sweat off that weight. After starting the right QB and getting a surge from Jayden Reed, Monday night had to have you nervous. While I don't actually know because you send a message in the chat once a week, I'm sure the feelings were there. Good win this week. You can still be a contender if my Nicua Puka comes back. We'll just see when that happens. 

Machine Gun Kelce 121.45 vs Muad'Dib TDs aka DA GAWD 185.90

This one was lost from the gate. With Devin Singletary putting up a measly 4.8 pts, it hurt doubly when you looked at the almost 40 points that Walker had cookin on the bench. I figured I was doing you favor. Knowing you were running into me should've had you finished with all your chores by 3pm with enough time to do some extra chores for a divorcee by 6pm. We both know you you weren't winning this matchup but leaving points on the table hurts when it comes to the hunt for second place. Keep cookin' up those bets though, because I got plans for that 50 you're gonna owe. 

Are ya'll paying attention to the trends? Da GAWD is walking down on all the opps with ease. Being a supreme being requires me to crush each squad like the ants they are while having highest points. I've unlocked PPR Henry. I've got Kareem Hunt in the holster waiting to re-enact 2018 but with a vengeance. Nico Collins (who was SHAMEFULLY offered to each of you in a trade) is DOMINATING. Did we forgot how the league sounded like owls asking "who" when I drafted Jordan Mason? What more does DA GAWD have to do for you to recognize that I'M HIMOTHY ATRIEDES - GAWD of Fantasy Football? Muad'Dib of the Matchups? DA GAWD AL GAIB will show you the way. 

#Amen