If you thought Week 1 was unforgiving, Week 2 didn't get any better. Tons of waiver adds with some glory and some goofs. GMs waiting for players to shine while unsung heroes came to play. As Da GAWD of Fantasy Football, I predict that this is beginning of a shifting tide in our yearly tournament. Injuries that got snuffed out in preseason are now shifted to the first 3 weeks and we're moving like a 20 man league. Let's review how we did.
The Hurts Donut 99.15 vs CashMoneyHillionaires 138.65
The championship hangover is real (I should know). The namesake of your team was able to keep you afloat for a bit, but the rest of the team just didn't show up. After Allgier looked poised to remain a 1B to the RB committee in Atlanta, he turned back into who we all thought he was going into the season. I can imagine the frustration and turmoil you went through watching him ball on your bench in a Week 1 loss only to see him fizzle in the start of Week 2. I'd tell you this is going to get better, but you snaked the WR I announced was mine from the beginning. Going from first to worst (and lower than Gerald) is punishment on its own.
CashMoney is an army, better yet a navy. With one of the best waiver adds so far in the season, Puka Power kept this team afloat while Tyreek came back into orbit from last week. To a fantasy GAWD this ain't much of a surprise considering you'll always be in the mix for the season. It's been a long time since you've won, even though you've gone to quite a few chips. Lets see if you get over the hump this year with a strong 2-0 start.
The Small Business 103.85 vs Olave Garden 121.35
After a commanding showing from Week 1, it looks like there were some missteps this week. With Ekeler gone its understandable to not perform at the best. But you spent the bread on the waiver and left him on the bench. That's like going to the Olave Garden and not taking advantage of the breadsticks and underperforming Breece Hall. Maybe you get Ekeler back or maybe you don't, but you'll need to make the right choices going forward.
Unlimited luck and Jets losses for everyone at the Olave Garden. After having the devastating loss at QB, you grabbed the right QB on the waivers and didn't miss a beat. Sure, Breece Hall disappointed but you got Kelce back in the fold and were bailed out on Monday by a great performance from Pickens. I don't know if you can keep this up though. You got extremely lucky in that you played one of the two people that scored lower than you did this week.
Daquarius Quintillion 130.55 vs My Cousins Justin 141.10
You probably won't read this recap so I doubt you'll take offense to the name. I'm mainly writing this for the ones that do. Your team is solid and technically should have won the game if Jesus Lawrence didn't change his WR1 to Christian Kirk. And to my delight, it didn't look like Gibbs took over that backfield with Montgomery out. At least that injury bug of the last two seasons looks to behind you. I'll talk to you next September at the draft.
Now this is what stacks are made of. Kirk Cousins and Justin Jefferson combined for almost half of your teams points. You even had lots of points to spare with Zack Moss sitting idly on your bench. But remember - in this league every point counts. When it comes time for seeding or making the playoffs, you may wish you started him over Sutton (I don't blame you for giving one more go-round for Najee).
This Team Iz 1-142.50 vs 2 Jones 1 Team 161.55
You started the best team you could this week. A goose egg from Zay Jones will hurt anybody. You and the Bengals front office are waiting for Joe Burrow to show that he was worth the massive contract. This wasn't a bad outing, but you just ran into the better team without injuries and better matchups. We won't broadcast this loss too loud though, we don't want those other leagues to think you're average and not the team of G.O.A.T.S. they think you are. Secret is safe with us buddy.
Going into this game, I thought for sure you'd lose. But then the Vikings decided they're main objective was to stop AJ Brown and NO ONE ELSE. They left Swift run through a swiss cheese d-line scheme and propelled you to a solid win DESPITE starting the terrible Deon Jackson. On top of that, you were drawing dead until Daniel Jones decided to produce in one half what most QBs produce in a whole game. At some point this luck will run out and you'll pay for snaking my pick. Until then, keep holding out til Taylor decides that he doesn't want to play after being on the pup.
Bijan Hope 156.75 vs BIG J'Mama's House 173.35
This loss had to hurt on a lot of levels. All week it looked like Cooper wasn't going to play and then he balls on the bench right alongside Hollywood Brown. Pittsburgh puts up a MONSTER defensive game. And you would have beaten half the league but you ran into the highest scoring team of the week. Not to mention this brings you to 0-2. If I were you, I'd start hollering at a secretary named Margaret that runs the books for Draftkings or something and get that insider info in a way that only you can,
Congratulations on the highest point total of the week. I was convinced that you must've been smacking that Steelers tattoo while that defense put up a monster performance. Just wait til you can Chase back into the fold doing the things Chase can. But I got a sneaky feeling that the Cousins gene is gonna flare up and Burrow doesn't play more than 6 games this season and it comes to screeching halt as soon as you hit the playoffs. Enjoy the ride til then.
Hurt My Chubb (and FAAB) a Little 154.95 vs Da GAWD 166.50
Ouch. Sunday was starting off really good. Every couple of a minutes there was a "Tee!", "Keenan!", "Evans!", as you felt the euphoria of early monster productions. And then cracks in the ice started showing Sunday night as Dak kept throwing to Lamb. But the real killer was Monday night. It appeared to be an easy game until the catastrophic injury to your #1 pick. You've come back from worse to make the playoffs but boy that had to hurt. You paid a helluva price to get the backup - I hope it works.
For all those still reading, I hope you see the spark kickin' in for DA GAWD. This is two weeks in a row that my opponents have lost key players in the Monday Night game. I may have sacrificed JK, Saquon, Montgomery, and my dignity to be here, but these plagues ain't goin' anywhere. Just ask yourself if you really want to be ahead going against me on Monday or pay the price.
#Amen.
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