What a season and its only been three weeks. Each Sunday at 12:30, everyone has been sending prayers up with the hope that their players stay healthy. Most of us aren't even looking for points, just staying healthy. This 2020 season has been a test and no one is immune. Let's recap on the carnage that took place and the people the rose from the ashes victorious.
Los Lobos 100.60 vs It's Gonna Ertz 138.45
Lobos, it looks like you're really forming a trend with the start em sit em options. This week you started Cam Newton over Brees and the wrong QB was chosen.....again. Who would believe that Rex Burkhead would vulture all those TD's inside the 5 and THEN for Hunter Renfrow to outperform Edelman and Montgomery combined. And that let down from Mark Andrews? Ouch. At this point, I can guarantee that no matter which QB you choose, that it'll be the wrong choice regardless of matchup. Luckily this is just your first loss of the season and you could afford it. . However, 100 points is a terrible place to be - I should know.
Now this win was looking REALLY dicey at the start of the 4pm games. While Big Russ was putting on a clinic, he wasn't connecting with the coveted trifecta enough. 3 TDs alone went to Tyler Lockette and you were saved by the game winner from Metcalf. On top of that, Carson came out the game and you had to rely on the heroics of Lazard. Let's just say you were really blessed this week to play Lobos and have all this work. Maybe that sacrificial achilles is paying off since you're sitting up top at 3-0. Congrats on siphoning point blessings away from DA GAWD.
falseProfits 145.60 vs Green eggs and SAM 161.30
The Profits put up a good fight all the way into Sunday night. Even with the 3 ints from the Lucky Charm himself, he supported by great production from Robinson, Ridley and Ekler. Where things started to go off the rails was using Josh Kelley thinking the backfield was the new Coleman/Freeman or Deangelo Williams/Jonathan Stewart. It proved costly after Hollywood and Waller were featured in my phone's amber alerts. Sometimes everyone just doesn't show up to play. Dust yourself and climb back up to 2-2 for Week 4.
Looks like those Green Eggs ain't so rotten after all. Leading the way was DA GAWD's favorite to lead in QB fantasy points, Dak Prescott. DA GAWD shook his fist at the sky while watching players like Jerrick Mckinnon and Ceedee Lamb get TDs. While these plays may be helping you sit up top in the standings, it makes no sense that this could possibly be sustainable. ANYWAY, its still a solid performance and credit is due when you have the balls to start Logan Thomas while players like GAWDert can't make it past a qtr to stay healthy. Congrats on this ridiculous win.
Philip on my Chubb 153.15 vs A Team Has Redemption 157.85
Now where have we seen this matchup before? In this case, the Chubbs? (the Philips?) had a respectable outing despite missing Davante Adams and Raheem Supreme Mostert. They even used Mike Davis (who if you remember was granted the blessing for Jesus 2 years ago when asking for a blessing) to try and secure a win. Alas, Joe Mixon was yet again an afterthought inside the redzone and Keelan Cole isn't even close fantasy saving glory of 2018. And to really hit home, it looks like the Tom Brady would have been able to seal the deal for this win. Instead, it looks like Quis is heading closer to the depths of standings hell with me and Gordon. We welcome you.
I may be going out on a limb here, but I think this No Name team was spending every waking moment analyzing the best decisions for this week. Facing an 0-3 start, Jesus put together the best lineup he could and squeaked out a win. The stress must've been high while wondering if Watson or Tannehill was the right choice. And after an entire offseason of meme's and gifs (courtesy of Gerald) about how he made the wrong decision in the finals, he has gained a bit of redemption with this win. I salute you for getting your first win and getting that revenge. If only GAWDwin was healthy enough to witness this victory would it feel hopeful going into Week 4. Congrats.
This Team Iz America 149.75 vs ShuTheBUCup 169.35
No one is surprised with the loss from Gordon. When your second highest scoring position is defense, FOLLOWED BY THE KICKER, you know that the meat of the team is in danger territory. (ALL OF FUCKING WHICH STILL DID BETTER THAN ANY OF DA GAWD'S FUCKING PLAYERS) However, this point total could've competed with mediocre ones this week. There's not much to say beyond the need to trade. Corey Davis and Brandin Cooks just ain't the answer. And waiting on Ruggs to get healthy might as well be like expecting to become a millionaire while holding onto Pogs and saying "they'll be worth more, just wait". This ain't a dynasty/keeper league. Its win now mode. You're 0-3. If you slip to 0-5, I'll run your team for you.
Oooooowwwweeeee. I don't know if the BUCups were tired of being treated like an amateur or if they ate rabbit foot stew while wearing a four leaf clover medallion, but they came through with the highest point total of the week. Despite a John Brown no show, and missing Kittle and Bell, almost every player out played their projections and he even had a Darrel Henderson to spare. With the way this team is built it might be one to watch out for. At the same time, I still remember how worried he was while making draft decisions, so when everyone is healthy again, he might shoot em self in the foot. Either way, congrats on the first (I think) time being the highest points of the week.
Kamaravirus 167.75 vs Easy Drake Oven 168.25
If I didn't know any better, Kamarvirus has it pretty easy. With the existing injuries on his team, he's spared the agony of start em sit em, and then gets blessed with unreal production from either of his RB's while his "Gardner" variety QB's just have to not get benched. It makes absolute zero sense that he would be in contention to win a game on Sunday night after being down almost 60 points. Clearly the force is strong with Obi-Juan this year. Unfortunately, the lack of a QB is really starting to show because otherwise, he'd be on pace for a GAWDly season. This ain't a bad loss, just ridiculous that it wasn't a bigger margin.
On the opposite end, we have Shorty reversing years of bad luck and late night losses. The Drakes stood in the middle of a Kamehameha and ate it. I'm sure he was sweating bullets while watching Kamaravirus' team surge back to life but he stayed calm and cool as Justin tucker got him just enough points to get over the hump. I don't know how much longer we have a season, or how long Shorty can keep this up, but its clear that the power shift in the league is upon us. Continue you hush the haters like myself and feel good about this win. Your savage is showing in this no holds barred deathmatch of a season.
Samuel Lamar Jackson 126.15 vs Da GAWD 89.10
Welcome to the world of 1-2 G. I'm pretty sure we both knew you'd win this game after I left the Jags Defense in and scored a whopping 0 points. from then on, the rest was history. Its like I couldn't win even when seeing Lamar put up Trubisky's first half numbers. Its not like this is a good win for you considering you beat the lowest point total of the week while having the 3rd lowest. I don't have much shit to talk when I'm sitting so low in the standings and having the lowest points. Congrats on your win and get out of my face, you're blocking the sunshine from above me.
And there you have it. Another week of unclaimed potential. This Team Iz America managed to outscore me while having fucking Brandin Cooks as his WR1. What do I have to show for it? Glad you asked. I have no backup TE. I have zero production from the second RB spot while I actually have 3 others besides Henry. Oh you mean the same Henry on the team that got covid? Yes! Is that DJ Moore playing second fiddle to MC Sir Purr? Damn right. Is that a season high in yards for Hilton with FIFTY FUCKING 3??? You betcha. Oh and do I have what should be the most coveted kicker in the league except the Seahawks ONLY SCORE TDS!?!?! Yupper! But you know what? If I have had to sacrifice this team in order to go for an undefeated season in another galaxy, so be it.
#A fuckin Men.
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