Week 3 (IDFWU)

IDFWU

Ya lil, ya lil, dumb ass GM’s. I AIN’T FUCKIN WIT YOU!!! You chumps been acting like the mediocre mashup of backups and bums you call a “TEAM” is too good for a TRADE. A FAIR TRADE. At some point you guys will realize that your squads will get squashed. The following is a recap of week of mismanagement and poor trades.

Fartline Bling 106.20 vs Show Me Your Jor-Ds 189.95

Case 1 of Poor Management:

You are offered an ELITE QB for a high end WR2 before the games get going. Do you

• A.     Take the trade and benefit from points in the current AND following week?
• B.     Be counter offer for a bit more?
• C.     Say “NO” to said trade, Start a RB (THAT COULDN’T BEAT OUT A BUM KNEE RB) instead of the RB THAT EVEN YOUR OPPONENT SAID YOU SHOULD, and watch as your QB disappoints the metropolitan area royally ALL THE WHILE said WR2 puts up ZERO MUTHAFUCKIN POINTS?

If you can’t tell by now, Fartline picked C. He picked C like a kid that didn’t study for the test and watched time run out. Its amazing that your fantasy football Sunday could be over before the 1pm games finish. His pitiful performance would have only beat Juan AND HE’S 0-3! Use the illustration below to see where he fucked up.

TDs showed us again that he’s a points prodigy. He started an optimal lineup, got maximum effort from several players and was able to watch “60 Minutes” instead of the Sunday Night game – let alone the 4pm games. But the cracks in the armor are starting to show. The bye weeks are here. Jamaal Charles is coming and its starting to get chilly outside. I hope he enjoys this cushy buffer in points for now. It’ll fail him during that playoff push. In December he’s gonna be talkin bout “remember when I was 3-0 though?” But thanks for letting me watch Gerald stop enjoying wings on Sunday. Only winners get wings.

OBJ a Day Keeps Losing 101.75 vs Mushroom Tip Mosquitoes 138.70

Honestly, the only thing to sum up your performance so far this season is the picture below. You had so much faith in this cryin-ass, goal post fighting&losing ass, tantrum throwin one catch wonder that you were destined for this type of season. Seriously, how are your Sundays now? Do you just go to church? Asking the Lord “Why has thou forsaken my squad?” Are your Sundays now designated as “Terrific Lady” days? Do you get ice cream and watch the sunset? Like the sun has set on your team? I could go on, but I wanna save more insults for next week when you’re 0-4.

Mosquitoes, you should feel ashamed for pickin on an OBJ lover like this. I bet you barely set your lineup thinking that the Steelers defense was better than DEM EAGLES!. I mean, there’s nothing to see here. You started who you were supposed to start, got a mediocre performance and kicked a man while he’s down – just like a bloodsucker would. For that, you gets no picture.

Los Lobos 164.20 vs Bowles Movement 107.40

Case 2 of Poor Management:

You are offered an ELITE QB for one of the TWO high end TE talents on your team/CJ Anderson/Ryan Matthews. Do you:

A.     Realize that the multiple offers are quite good and reasonable and accept

B.     Think about an fair but strong counter offer

C.     Reject every proposed trade and START THE BUM ASS QB THAT GOES ON TO THROW 6 PICKS AND GET NEGATIVE POINTS BECAUSE YOU’RE A “JETS” FAN THAT CAN’T SEE PAST 8-8.

N-E-G-A-T-I-V-E FUCKING POINTS. Real talk, I’m bout to give Bowles Movement my daughter’s diapers because this dude just keeps shittin the bed. He’s burning through these fucking sheets week after fucking week and seems to be going for the record in shits taken in a league. He’s gonna need one of these to turn this turd tanker around.

Lobos, it looks like you’re almost there. 1 more week and Tom Terrific can start helping your squad at that desperate QB position and Josh Gordon might go Josh Gordon. Everything clicked and you even had points to spare with Hyde on the bench. The only insult that exists is that it WON’T work out like that. Josh Gordon WILL be a step slower. Tom Terrific WILL get hurt – fuck they might even stick with Garappalo (like how Bledsoe came back for a little and then Tom Terrific took off). At least you know you’re squad is playoff worthy.

10 Cruel Cam-mandments 113.75 vs A Team Has No Name 171.85

I told this chump his name was shit and he decides to keep going with it. I told him Russel Wilson was shit and he decides to keep him. I offered this chump two different QBs that outperformed his AND HE WOULDN’T BUDGE. That’s what you get for thinking Philip Dorsett was on the table for a got damn trade. “But at least Mark Ingram showed up” – WHO GIVES A FUCK. STEP UP THIS SHIT SHOW AND MAKE THE RIGHT TRADE AND STOP WHINING ABOUT JULIO NOT GETTING LOVE. If you followed my instructions and kept talkin shit, none of this would’ve happened. I think the picture below is an accurate depiction of your face on Monday.

No Names showed the cojones to start BOTH RBs. Your whole squad played in the Monday Night shootout and performed. But you know that’s not happening again right? You know you only felt good about Coleman because I kept pointing out you should get him. Trades like that won’t be coming your way and I’m not giving you insider secrets towards wins. Then again you had no choice since the bench had no one. Bottom line, you got REAL lucky on Monday. I’m talkin eating Lucky Charms with a unicorn’s horn up your ass. You probably used unicorn poop as ice cream and watched the points flow.

Le’Veon Better Come Back 132.65 vs ShuTheBUCup 165.05

Case 3 of Poor Management:

You are offered an ELITE QB for the CURRENTLY SUSPENDED Le’Veon Bell who will provide little value until then. Do you:

A.     Contemplate the trade and provide a counter offer to improve the team elsewhere?

B.     Reject the trade and start a Slippery Slope QB that’s been failing since last years playoffs and start THE 3^RD STRING MIAMI RB ALL BECAUSE YOU NAMED YOUR TEAM AFTER SAID SUSPENDED PLAYER?

This theme is getting old and so are these bad choices. As you can see, that fluke of a win last week was from the grace of Mary’s vagina itself. Even IF Le’Veon goes Le’Veon, that QB situation is suspect along with Garcon, Shephard, and Beaseley. I’m the Oracle of this here league and I envision some bad games ahead.

ShutTheBUCup, I bet you’re feeling real good about Marvin Jones huh? You must feel like “things are finally lookin up, I’m ready to BUC some people up”. While that may have been the case this week, I’m tellin you to keep those feelings in check. You need to separate yourself as far from 11^th and 12^th as possible. You’re hanging on by a thread so don’t do anything stupid anytime soon. A solid trade could get you to see the playoffs in the horizon.

Oh……y’all thought I was going to give Silent Bob the decency of a recap!??! THE MUTE MONSTER WON’T EVEN TALK SHIT – LET ALONE ACCEPT A TRADE/JOIN THE CHAT/ATTEND THE DRAFT. This Wizard of Oz wimp has benefited this season at the right times and is not worth the finger dexterity it takes to even write a beautiful recap for.

You lames get a lil win and you takin a pic, then you post it up thinkin that its making me sick.. I got a million trillion things that I’d rather do than to be trading with you losers. I got no feelings to go and I done had it up to “here” with you scrubs – I got no ceilings to go. 2 losses to some meek, silent amateurs!??!? There ain’t nuthin but TRILL in me so watch me rattle off three wins in a row for the TRILOGY.

OH and SHOUTS TO THEM 3-0 EAGLES!!!!!