I woke up early niggas. I had a dream I came in THIRD
niggas. So I guess I gotta get my shit together. Because its do or die now and
I ain’t got time to be getting caught up in these trap games. I got a basement
to win. I got diapers to buy. I got FANTASY FOOTBALL DREAMS TO CRUSH. So don’t
make me get me get the car seat, niggas know I’m the pap pap. The game owes me
this chip like Leonardo D’Cap – FACTS. So lets get into your pedestrian
performances in Week 2.
OBJ a Day Keeps the Wins Away 97.65 vs Jay and Silent Bob
159.05
CLEAN UP IN AISLE 12(th) – cause this shit is getting messy.
Now in dead last, you’ve managed to let my commentary from last week fuck up
easy decisions. Lettin' Crowell and Bennett ball on the bench is ALMOST as bad as
starting bum ass Eli Rogers. But what else should I expect from a Midgets fan.
You just had a feeling that another “Eli” would save the day, huh?
Jay and Silent Bob lookin like the WU-Tang clan, cause they
wasn’t nuttin to fuck wit the last 2 weeks. They sure were lucky Matt Forte did the
heavy lifting and carried this squad to an easy victory. Shout out for thinking
Jameis Winston could beat an angry 0-1 Cardinals team at home. The worst part
is that you’re not the only person to have done this across the leagues I’m in.
Pretty sure Jameis has crabs doing this everywhere now after a loss that bad.
Los Lobos 101.25 vs Hartline Bling 149.10
OH MY GAWD. Now a neighborhood nigga like Gerald, ain’t
spose to be putting beats on you like this. It looks like NONE of your players
stepped up. Its like they took a day off. Its bad enough y’all rocking the same
facial hair and cut, but now you gonna let him beat you like this? He might as
well call you mini me after giving you that ass whippin.
I guess someone picked up the line for the Hartline Bling,
because damn near EVERYONE went full retard on his squad. He even had points to
spare with Stefon Diggs playing more like Stefon Urk’el than Steven Q, Urkel.
Another week or two and a resurgence of Jamaal Charles you MIGHT even see me in
the playoffs. But knowing you and your squad, you have more bench ballers than
a true stud lineup. I’m betting that things start off ok and then a major fail
as you get close to the playoffs – kinda like this
ShuttheBUCup 120.05 vs 10 Duel Cam-mandments 124.90
RIDING THROUGH THE WEEKS WIT MAD WOES! When it rains, it
pours, and the Bucs could have really used AP. But alas, they lost by a mere 4
points. The good news is that its not like AP is out for the season. The bad
news is that AP isn’t the only problem on this dumpster fire team. I know I
advised you to start hittin them waivers, but not for Chris Thompson.
I warned you about Russell Wilson and you still
stuck by his side. I guess you had no other choice, but I’m pretty sure there were
some waiver QBs that are still getting pussy. Sure, you got the win this week,
and Dennis Pitta's new hips make him look like RoboCop, but you’re gonna have to
do better than that if you plan on going far. Oh and shouts to watching
Woodhead go down too. You’re gonna need someone else now.
A Team Has No Name vs Mushroom Tip Mosquitoes 154.85
Now this is a more respectable type of matchup.
Unfortunately the No Names came up lame. I wish I could insult your squad but
that just happened to be decent starts. I mean, I don’t trust no Frenchy like
Moncrief, but it made sense. I can’t even think of a GIF to describe the type
of week this was for you.
Its funny to see the Mushroom Tip Mosquitoes think Jack
Doyle was gonna be the ANSWER after 1 WEEK of two TDs. If I was a betting man,
I’d bet the Mosquitoes picked up Jonas Gray right after he had 4 TDs in a
single game. Keep thinking you can stream your way to production and you’re
gonna be up Playoff Stream without a paddle.
Bowles Movement 122.20 vs Show Me Your TDs 127.40
Looks like the Bowles Movement took a #2 on his 2nd
straight loss. While your fandom for the Jets is admirable, you’re just making
silly decisions. You let Travis Benjamin (in a Philip Rivers offense against
the Jags) ball on your bench while Floyd caught 1 pass for a TD. I could tell
you to make better decisions, but that’s not what the Jets are known for
anyway. Shouts to using Ryan Matthews though.
The TDs must be feeling himself right now at 2-0. While he’s
not DOMINATING wins, he’s still winning. But I think we’re gonna start seeing
it all fall apart. You’ve got Jonathan Stewart looking injury prone, Arian
Foster showing his age and Spencer Ware
waiting for Jamaal Charles to come back like he’s Forrest Gump. The end is nigh
my nigga.
Le’Veon on a Prayer vs Trilladelphia Eagles
On Sunday morning, all I could think is that the Prayers
started off the day listening to this.
He ain’t even want the updated Kanye version. Talkin’ about some “You’re the
only power that can save this team today. I can’t start like this. I promise to
go to church next Sunday if I can get DA GAWD of Fantasy Football to shut up”.After
watching Eric Decker go half retard on Thursday, he knew he needed to get down
on his knees. He kept hoping and wishing for that victory, sending up prayers
for the Patriots game and BOOM Jarvis Landry erupts for PPR usage.
Now I know you thirsty bums were waiting on my demise with
your hatin’ ass energy. So I’m gonna hold this L like Goku holds Spirit Bombs.
Just know you were spared shorty – cause you never talked
smack. I think the homie Jules Winnfield sums up this Week’s game from me.
Shorty caught me in a transition. “I’m tryin REAL hard to be the
shepherd”
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