I guess my reputation is getting around as the Recap Ruler. The Sultan of Fantasy Football Insults. Mr. Don't Come Wit Dat Weak Shit. Like I explained to you amateurs during the draft, I'm in this league to win it all - and talk shit the whole way through. So without further ado, here is the recap you thirsty bitches been dying for.
Mushroom Tip Mosquitoes 123.00 vs Le'Veon a Wing and Prayer 102.85
I mean damn.With the lowest score of the week, Le'Veon better be the prayer you need answered. Todd Gurley showed you the sophomore slump, Justin Forsett BARELY got signed back on to a squad that he got 1000 yds rushing. Its a damn shame when your kicker is looking like the best player on your whole team.And you think LE'VEON BELL is gonna suddenly turn this lackluster squad into a championship contender when he comes back?
. .Listen, you better hit them waiver wires like a hooker hits the corner AND FAST.
Now I don't know what to say about the Mosquitoes, but I guess congrats for winning? You still got a nigga on the PUP on your squad. Do you feel proud that your measly 123.00 could only beat 1 other team this week? Are you confident that you can contend for my coveted championship trophy? Do you feel in charge?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCXTu5jE-Ng
Bottom line, you made the right decisions and your team won. Just don't expect too many wins with that pedestrian performance.
ShuttheBUCup 110.80 vs Jay and Silent Bob 177.05
I promise I wouldn't wanna be the guy that shows up to the draft in a Bucs jersey to only lose Week 1 against his favorite teams' QB. I wouldn't wanna be the dude that thought Gary Barnidge was gonna be the savior for his team. But I'm not that guy and that's why I didn't lose. With a decent squad, the cards didn't play out. You better take the same advice from the loser above and start looking for a better squad outside Big Ben. Cause Keenan Allen AND you shared some Monday Morning Tears.
Silent Bob on the other hand came to play. He made ShuttheBUCup.......SHUTTHEFUCKUP. That's just sweet poetry if you ask me. Congrats on drafting well but remember, you only get Deangelo Williams for 3 more games. Knowing that you can't count on that type of production the rest of the season, I have to ask -
Bowles Movement 124.15 vs A Team Has No Name 153.35
Bowles Movement certainly shit the bed this week. The team that had the audacity to draft TWO quality TE's managed to forget that one wasn't playing. Did you think Gronk was gonna teleport to the game as a game time decision? With that said, I advise you start putting some players on the block to save this sorry ass excuse of a team. After the end of week, you must've been looking at your chance at a win like this -
Now the No Names came through with a respectable performance. Not championship worthy, but fuckin respectable. With points left to spare, I think he could be a playoff contender. Then again, I've seen plenty pretenders in my day, so I'll hold off harsh judgement for coming weeks. In the meantime, I can put some RESPEK on yo name.
OBJ a Day Keeps the Wins Away 131.45 vs Los Lobos 160.60
I tell ya, must've been nice watching two Midgets fans go at it. Too bad you believed in unproven, recently acquired Martellus Bennet over REGULAR STARTER JULIUS THOMAS! You thought Garapogos Island was gonna suddenly make Martellus Bennet the #1 TE of the week? The only thing you need to know is that OBJ was too busy givin BJs to Dez Bryant during warm ups to produce. You shoulda seen the writing on the wall.
Lobos on the other hand was nervous as FUCK going into Monday. He couldn't watch AB go AB because he's got him in other leagues. Guess you win some and lose some. Now IF (and that's a big fuckin IF) Tom Terrific comes back to slay folks, you might just see me in the championship. Then again, you don't need to do much considering you're playing Gerald Week 2. I can see him sweatin now.
10 Crap Commandments 126.70 vs Show Me Your TDs 169.05
There are so many things wrong here. First the Commandments don't even have Cam on their squad to dictate such a name. Secondly, they started a non-pussy gettin QB over the QB that was playing the DETROIT LIONS. The never winnin' DETROIT LIONS. Maybe its just me, but when I hear a Super Bowl winning QB decides to stay celibate for a chick that has CLEARLY BEEN SMASHING (has a kid as a result) he's called it quits on his testosterone. Meanwhile, Andrew Luck out here being the #1 QB of the week. I mean damn, how many players you gonna let ball out on the bench? Get your act together playa.
I've heard through the grapevine that the TDs is known for puttin up points and not winning chips. Clearly I see the former here. The only team to best DA GOD over here, he put great numbers. While the squad is EXTREMELY suspect with backups and flukes, I can't deny that he had the balls to put them in there. On a separate note, it might be time to change the name. I've seen too many TDs being shown around Fantasy Leagues and this is no different. You're better than that.
Coldline Bling 119.25 vs Trilladelphia Eagles 168.25
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uhky7pALFSA
I feel like winnin is the best drug and sometimes hate can be the best love. So when Gerald was talkin all the good shit after the draft, I knew to keep calm. After all I heard, I wasn't even panicking when Thursday Night came. So what Kelvin Benjamin scored? You think that could fuck wit Zeus Knuckles over here?
I walked in to Sunday like there was cameras on me, shit didn't get out of hand it got handled homie. The Hotline Bling called and Dez Bryant, Brandon Marshall, and MUTHAFUCKIN BACKUP JAMES STARKS hit the ignore button playa.
Bottom line, don't act surprised. I've been letting ya'll know since you fucked up and let me into this league. You might as well have flushed your money down the toilet. At this point, you probably tired of hearin the kid berate you and feel a little like this.
-Trilladelphia Out.
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