You know how long I been waiting for this? Whoo Imma bout to make a name for myself here.
Welcome back to the highly anticipated NFL season of 2024 and boy did we have doozy of a week 1. Now I know there's been much anticipation for recaps and ridicule for the lack of them, but this season is about to be the best. Because this one has a special surprise ending. But there's no fun in spoiling it early. We gotta let this all play out. Let's review the week as we compare what was said during the draft.
I like to Lose it Lose it 101.10 vs The Syndicate 130.00
"Doubs is already gone?! That's crazy".
What's really crazy is that Doubs outperformed your second overall pick this week. Sure Marv Jr can probably end the season with 3 weeks of a lights out performance but you forgot a CRUCIAL detail. His QB has more pick 6's than TD's since he signed that contract. I know you were struggling when Higgins went out and you had to start a 3rd option rookie WR tied to a QB that's more concerned with nail colors than wins. For your sake, I hope you don't stay in last for the season.
"Why would you say CMC is gonna be hurt?"
Because I'm DA GAWD. I feel for you because you had no choice at the first pick. Solid resourceful win in crunch time when there's no backup for your first pick and its Monday Night. Relying on Lazard to get the win had to feel like a prayer. But I'm still there to answer prayers because I DRAFTED your backup. Fortunately, Njoku's injury will force you to start Likely and you'll only have to decide when you can reliably start CMC. (hint, it won't be next week either). Great Monday Night win though. Especially using Jesus' on Jet while he loses fantasy and his team loses. Cold.
Team MIA til next September 107.95 vs Django Achaned 137.30
"I can't believe Bijan fell to me at 9"
I know you're not even reading the first one, but this is for the chat at large. DQ was simply STUNNED and excited to get Bijan only to see a lack of production week 1. Sure, he'll have some good weeks, but there's a reason DA GAWD took Saquon over him. But to follow up with Puka thinking he's going to continue the unreal run he had from last year? That's ballsy. At least your bench was ballin outta control. Congrats on the weightloss though. Looks better on you than losing.
"Doubs Gif"
Woo that Burrow/Chase stack was looking mighty shaky on Sunday. All week refreshing player updates on any indication if Chase would play. Good thing you got this win. You deserve it for keeping DA GAWD grounded in taking Nico Collins. As you can see, you were rewarded with second highest points of the week AND A SURPRISE KYLE PITTS TD. We'll be having a rematch in the chip. I'm not choppin this time.
Where Is Dell 117.25 vs Get off my Dak 118.15
"I'm not trading DJ Moore for Nico Collins"
I can't believe I was being that generous at that time in the draft. DJ Moore has played with worse QBs but it might take him a while to get goin. Lucky for you, I think Sun GAWD bounces next week with 110 and a TD. But at the same time, Aaron Jones won't last all season. Hope you can do enough to make the chip. You silently drafted and didn't incur my wrath. Tell Hector that Quis asked about him.
"Ya'll wasting your time just to come in second"
That's a funny comment from someone that took Keenan Allen. I don't even think you make it to second place and it would be my pleasure to bounce you from the semi's. But I digress. Kupp was a great pick for you. You and I both know his value should have been higher so instead of letting him fall to me, you took him early and got rewarded. Don't let these 1 pt wins become regular though or you might not get the chance to lose to me in the playoffs.
This Team is All WR no RB 121.40 vs Machine Gun Kelce 122.05
"You must know something"
You seemed to be the only one that recognized that such a crazy draft move by DA GAWD wasn't so crazy. You followed suit and Jordan Love outperformed Mahomes even though that field was built like a BBL from Irvington. It was a radical approach to change from having no WR to having no RBs, but we'll see how things shake out for you. Its probably more of the same since you literally made no trade that would've benefited you. But how about we link up like old times and I get you a deal that works real well. I only hope that you beat Quis this year so that you can get that off your back.
"Yo, Redd must be drafting high or drunk"
"Who da fuck is Jordan Mason!?!"
"You might as well gimme the 50 now after that draft"
I WAS BOAF. The edible hit right in the 4th round. This week you squeezed out a win but don't expect things to get better. Ridley still got Levis throwing to him. Metcalf still got Geno throwing to him. And Kelce is knee deep in reading fan mail from the Swifties. Not to mention taking Devin Singletary. As a Giants fan, I don't know how you thought Devin would be able to do what SAQUON couldn't. Just make sure you got that money for that bet by December.
Looking at the man that let someone else draft 126.05 vs Wilson 133.50
"Wish I was at the draft to join in the shit talk"
You were missed. Mainly because we couldn't verify that it was you drafting. Everyone lauded your picks but a draft doesn't make a whole season. But it was a big improvement. If TJ Watt didn't single handedly stop the Falcons, you probably would've got the win. You lost this week but your squad is definitely formidable. Enjoy the whip.
"That was an awful pick"
All that talk and Doubs outscored Christian Kirk. Your squad is solid, but that's no surprise right? Another year of a solid draft. Another year where we wonder how far you'll go. But this year is personal. Dont think DA GAWD forgets. That lil drunk talk with Juan gonna come back to hit hard this year. With that said, you will be plagued to have almost all of your JT TD's vultured by Anthony Richardson. The rest of your RBs will make up the slack. Congrats on the win though.
2 Non Players 1 Team 129.50 vs DA GAWD ALMIGHTY 171.30
"I bet Doubs won't be better than x,y, and DA GAWD DON'T CARE"
You must've had a lot of faith in your first 8 picks to take guys that won't be playing for 4-8 weeks. I gotta admit, your love for the Jets and hate for Sam Darnold runs deep enough that you took the Giants defense. The only problem is that a Defense does well when they're offense doesn't keep them out there for damn near 40 minutes a game. It's gonna be fun watching you decide between Black Josh Allen or White Anthony Richardson each week. Hopefully those PUP/NFI players come to fruition for you.
"The sound of the universe converging on Juan's house"
Highest point total of the week. Highest during the draft. And well on my way to making Saquon Barkley the 2024 CMC. I've been waiting 4 long years for this. This is chess, not checkers. I'm going for the undefeated season. I'm going for it all. Get your squads together because this is gonna be something ya'll aint ever seen, and people won't believe it when you re-tell the stories.
#Amen
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