After a grueling regular season full of injuries, sickness and outright mayhem, you've made it to the next level - the fantasy playoffs (without DA GAWD). Four teams faced off to determine if they were worthy of hoisting the trophy at the end of 2020. Many people were lucky to correct course and get to the playoffs, unfortunately someone has to win and someone has to lose. Win or die. Drip or drown. Let's see how it all turned out.
Los Lobos 128.15 vs Philip on my Chubb 144.90
After a season full of wrong QB starts and anxiety riddled decisions, you made the playoffs. I was proud of how you got two T. Hill's in your lineup to get you to the promised land. Da GAWD was counting on you to take out the reigning champ and you almost succeeded. You came out the gates hot with David Montgomery putting together a solid performance. Every one of your players was admirable and showed up. But by the afternoon, Devante Parker managed to crucify you. I don't know how much it haunts you when MVS with 20 pts on the bench would've sealed a victory and allowed you to advance. Or worse, the disconnects between Andrews and Jackson for 50 points (is Andrew Jackson on the 50 dollar bill?) I don't want to think of that anguish. At the very least, you turned your season around and made it this far so you can't be mad at that. Maybe next year you'll hoist the trophy while surrounded by a bunch of twerkin thots, who's asses make waves in a jacuzzi filled with Moet. Until then, good season.
A wise man knows not to have a lot of enemies. The friction of constant conflict is a distraction in life and left unchecked can end up being what subtracts him from life. If possible, all enemies must be eliminated. With that said, you managed to eliminate another enemy despite your stable of backs being decimated. Devante held you down but the real stars of this week are your defense and kicker. Somehow in this world, a player like Blankenship steps foot in the same arenas as DK Metcalf. Having a combined 26 points from those two positions is a welcome gift. Let's just see if you still got the drip for Week 15.
A Team Had No Chance 124.65 vs falseProfits 176.50
Jesus, you fought valiantly all season and barely had Kenny Gollady or Chris Godwin play. You hustled. You bravely started Cam Akers and it looked like you had a fighting chance on Thursday. When Gerald magically granted you a DHop as your third wish, it breathed new life into your team and you escaped the fate of the rest of us at the bottom of fantasy football. But you could only go so far. Robert Woods and Justin Jefferson were simply no match for Adam's onslaught. Maybe if DA GAWD had your spot, this would've been a different outcome (clearly because I had MONSTER FUCKING WEEK). All's well that ends well I suppose. You made the playoffs when you didn't think you could. You evaded covid ridden Florida. Count your blessings, we'll celebrate your comeback into the playoffs with a proper funeral.
There was never a doubt in my mind how this game would go while you doubted yourself Adam. As prophesized, DA GAWD is looking beyond what your mortal eyes will see. Last time DA GAWD won a chip, he predicted a chip for Adam and then followed up with having the season of all seasons. This is but the first step in the multifaceted approach back to glory. Like 2017, a RB you had waited all season to erupt finally did and this time its Austin Ekeler. You had almost every player perform how they should perform each week. We even have a Hollywood resurgence on our hands. Bask in this glory for only a moment because you still have more of Da LAWD's work to do next week. Congrats on the win my unknowing accomplice.
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