Here we are in the clusterfuck of the 2020 season and its Week 5. Premier players are still dropping like flies and practice players are lifted into the heights of fantasy glory. I don't know when this merry go round of mediocrity will stop but we're along for another ride. Let's recap how the week and how we're coping with this Mad World.
Samuel Lamar Jackson 109.40 vs ShuTheBUCup 115.70
What an embarrassing loss. This game should've been in the bag and in this mad world, the downfall of Dak set off a ripple effect throughout the league. Without Dak, Amari Cooper turned into Amari Pooper; bringing in a measly 2 catches for 23 yards while Beasley outperformed him. Lamar Jackson's regression is evident this year and doesn't seem capable of carrying Gerald through fights in the gulag. Get real comfy here in the bottom G, because these losses didn't have anything to do with bye weeks. Misery loves company and I'm hosting the fantasy chip with tostito's and hard apple cider for us.
2020 has made me gullible to believe anything. But I had to do a double take when I saw that Justin Herbert threw for 4 TDs in the dome. The fact that Hector had to desperately find this waiver gem and start em is an even bigger miracle. Congratulations, you've official let Justin Herbert make Matt Ryan look like a goat-fucker. Maybe you siphoned off those extra points from Eddie to get you over this dumb win, but its a win nonetheless. You're comfortably in 2nd place right now so don't blow it. This could be your one and only shot to best Eddie and reign supreme in your battle for friendship dominance. Stay blessed lucky.
It's Gonna Ertz 115.85 vs Kamaravirus 181.75
Tell us Trav, did you OD on those painkillers before or after the events on Sunday? I ask because you managed to start almost every wrong receiver and decided that starting two tight ends was better. The worst part is that as you panicked to find a viable option, it still didn't matter when it came to Juan's onslaught of points. You really needed this win since you're poised for a back to back loss with that trifecta on a bye. And to think you started off the season so strong. Better ask for a refill on that prescription, you're gonna need it to numb the pain.
Juan, I don't know what dark magic you conjured, but LAWD have mercy on our souls. You managed another dominant win with the likes of Darius Slayton, Jamison Crowder, and Gardner Minshew. This mad world would have people believe that as long as your players are rostered, they're bound for a TD or exceptional production. I don't know how long this lasts, but this league needs a vaccine quick. Great win I guess, but damn, this just ain't fair.
Green Eggs and Sam 132.70 vs Los Lobos 133.05
I'll be the first to empathize with your sudden loss in Dak Prescott (I experienced it in 3 other leagues). I'll also be the second to laugh at how comically you lost in this matchup. I'm thinking Hector used your finger to unlock your phone while you slept peacefully on his chest, and swapped out Sammy Watkins from your flex for Dalton Schultz. When you awoke startled, he placed his finger over your lips and said 'shh go back to sleep' and snuggled softly. It was this romantic gesture to make sure that he won and you lost that you two could be together in the standings at 2nd and 3rd. Because there's no way you thought that Dak would be in a shootout against the Giants and have to keep passing all game so that Dalton Schultz would get an opportunity. At least Week 5, you and Hector will be together forever.
Lobos, you got REAL lucky after sitting David Montgomery over Tre'Quan Smith. The 9ers defense managed to put you in a scary position on Sunday evening but Eddie told them to hold his beer and shot himself Plaxico style. Other than that, you were a sitting duck with so many players on bye or covid. You even got a prayer answered with Chase Edmonds managing a solid 20 pt performance. While the game shouldn't have been that close, you got the win. At this point, you're treading water while trying to reach back to the shore for playoff hopes. Keep kicking and don't panic.
Easy Drake Oven 141.05 vs A Team Has No Name 157.25
Guess all that shit talking is catching up huh? Didn't secure the playoff spot before hopping back in the chat and now you're back to who we thought you were. While starting Teddy Two Gloves over Josh Allen was boldy smart, Scotty Miller doesn't know that Tommy and Mike. E do it in the end-zone every Sunday. But don't tell Scotty, because he got no looks while apparently healthy enough to play. You're on the wrong side of .500 but at least you're in fighting shape to make it to the playoffs with Chubb back and better matchups for Josh Allen. Until then, I'll see you in the chat Week 12.
You think you're better than the rest of your bottom feeding brethren Jesus? You didn't have many options to choose from with most of your studs on bye or hurt, but you got this win despite all that. Now with Dak out of the picture, you might finally start turning value in at Zeke. Maybe with Godwin back, you won't have to rely on some dart throws in Scary Terry and Justin Jefferson. But don't forget where you came from. You're only one wrong hit away from rubbing elbows with me and Gordon. Enjoy your moment of fresh air.
This Team Hasn't Won Yet 149.30 vs falseProfits 149.70
I don't think I've seen a smaller margin for loss in this league until this week. Desperately trying to escape the stench of last place, your matchup just wouldn't allow you to do it. Just one more PAT. Just one FG. If you were Ray J and had one wish, it'd be for one catch. One ten yard scamper. You did everything right and started who you were supposed to start. You would've beaten half the league with this week's point total. Its truly a Mad World. Maybe Jesus takes it easy on you and reverts back into a pumpkin and you get your first win next week. Until then, just keep plugging away and allowing me to have at least one person to look down on.
Adam, that anxiety must've been awfully high on Tuesday night. You must've felt like the Jets on October 30th 2016 when they didn't want to be the first to lose to the 0-7 Browns and won 31-28. In the same fashion, you managed a win while still missing out on Michael Thomas. Having a 3-2 record right now without MT should feel pretty good as you wait just one more week to get him back. Hopefully for you, your schedule will allow some additional wins and you can stay in playoff contention. Congrats on not being the one with the Gordon's win stench.
Philip on my Chubb 134.55 vs Da Mortal 111.60
What the fuck am I supposed to write for Quis' recap? He manages to play me every time I go away for my anniversary and like clockwork he won. Does it take a genius to start Mike Davis against the Falcons? No. I'm not here to compliment that. I'm here like beast mode and writing a recap because I'm obligated to so I won't get fined. So you can take your funky ole 3-2 record. Its only two games ahead of me. At some point, all this 2020 crap will catch up to you. In the meantime, I think we're about 2 weeks away from the Fuller injury and CMC coming back. Hope you had fun competing.
All around me, my players keep failing me. Julio nowhere to be found. Had to wait two weeks for Derrick Henry to finally come back. TY Hilton STILL doesn't have a TD. My waiver splurge on Hines looks like a lemon I got at a used car dealership and to top it all off, I've finally witnessed Matt Ryan being a goat fucker. Not to mention, I've lost Dak Prescott in 3 other leagues (one of which I've also lacked Chris GAWDIN and CMC). And I find it kinda funny...... I find it kinda sad. The dreams in which the season's cancelled are the best I've ever had. Its a Mad World in 2020.
#Amen
No comments:
Post a Comment