Week 12 is in the books and it seemed a bit uneventful. Some teams climbed the rankings to make a comeback of the ages while others continue to fall farther from Olympus. I hope each of you cherished those moments with your loved ones this Thanksgiving. That's the last time they'll see you with hope and happiness in your eyes. Lets review the mistakes you all made.
Why Bother 92.35 vs This Team Iz America 179.65
Trav, I'm sure you didn't care this week - just like I didn't care. Just hold on. Week 13 is around the corner and it'll be all over. You can start to focus on next season. You'll have a future again. For now, just watch football like a normal fan and resume your normal Sunday activities. You can start planning for the next 3-4 weeks of things to do. In the next recap, I'll just list links for deal from Expedia or something. We'll call it your participation trophy.
Gordon, welcome back to the bye week. You've experienced quite the turbulent season to end up back here. With a strong score from this week and maybe a bit of help in Week 13, you can rest easy during Week 14. Now I'm only giving you this next bit of advice because I want to make the chip competitive. James White will no longer be the James White that has supported your team. Start thinking of ways to replace him now. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No One Cared Enough 115.40 vs ShuTheBucUp 160.40
Damn Jesus. Just when you were starting to make a strong comeback in the league. Looks like you couldn't escape the inevitable. Take solace in the fact that you wouldn't have won the chip even if you did make the playoffs. I'm wondering if this was simply the effect of drafting via Juan's phone/internet issues. Next season, we might have to consider getting you a Facebook Portal so that you can draft like you're in the room. Below is a glimpse of your final moments before the Walking Dead got you.
Hector, its good to see you with such high hopes. You out here flippin' those rubber tree plants and climbing right back in the playoffs. However, your quest isn't over young one. You have to protect this spot from those that may attempt to take it back. I advise telling your girl that you can't see the Nutcracker Radio City Music Hall Spectacular during Week 13. You have more important tasks. Keep training and you might go down against me Week 15.
The Vacant Lot 151.55 vs Green Eggs and SAM 202.30
Now that I own Adam's recaps, I'd like to talk about the genius behind Nickelodeon's Doug. His name is Fred Newman. He was pretty much the White version of the mouth sound guy from Police Academy. Fun fact, his daughter is an actress and was on Alpha House (not that I watched it). Bottom line, there's a lot of people talented out there and they're all better and more interesting than Adam's team.
Ed, congratulations on your first 200 pt game. I'm going to tip my halo to you because I thought you were a goner in terms of playoff potential. While you probably can't get the bye week anymore, just count your blessings that you're still in the playoffs. I wish I could put more plagues on your team, but I share too many players with you in other galaxies. Instead, I'll let someone else take you out Week 14. But well done this season. Back to back playoff berths is a good way to start.
The Falling Star 138.00 vs Mute Dave 158.95
After counting everyone's wins and losses, and it appears Gerald didn't pay closer attention to his own team's ability to stay in the playoffs. Week 12 has shown that there are too many zombies out in these streets and they're taking no prisoners. I always thought zombies liked brains, but clearly that's wrong because you didn't have the brains to start Watson. Even so, there's nothing you could've done to turn this week around. You lost. Simple as that. May the Week 13 odds be ever in your favor.
Dave - I hate you.
The Destroyer of Gawds 143.25 vs Saquon my balls 146.90
This match-up was the only one worth following this week. Quis, you and Juan both managed to leave some points on the bench, except your points on the bench lost you the matchup. How you start a WR3 over a RB1a is beyond me. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Juan went through Sunday morning mass to commune with Da Mortal GAWD. He asked for Da GAWD's divine wisdom and was blessed with it. However, prayers without actions are simply wishes. DA GAWD instructed him to start Njoku but failed to do so. While DA GAWD still blessed him with a win, those lack of points will come to haunt him while hunting for the bye week. So far though, I'm happy to see Juan managed to stay in the playoffs with such a turbulent season.
LightKamaraAction 120.95 vs DA GAWD 153.50
Shorty, I'm sorry to see you go out like this. We're 1 more week out and you can just focus on the Steelers' postseason hopes. You can still enjoy the thrill of a touchdown and celebrate in a meaningful way. I don't have much else to say that hasn't been said, so I'll just save all of my season long ridicule for you during the Week 13 recap.
If there was ever a week I was SUPPOSED to lose, it was this one. In mortal form, Da GAWD still outscored half the league. I don't know how the rest of you walk around in these flesh bags, but this feels disgusting. Now that Week 13 is upon us, the GAWD has ascended again. I may or may not have left a demi-gawd on Earth. So next season, don't be surprised if there are other unexplained wonders in the world. Anyway, nothing new to see here. I'm just here to show you all how good it is to be me, and how bad it is to be you.
#Amen
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