What Would Meek Do (Week 6)

Welcome back to your weekly dose of recaps sponsored by yours truly, The Black Connor MacLeod aka The Bye Week Bully aka The Prophet that Profits aka A$AP TDs aka Waiver Wire Warlord, aka Your Grace, #Oracle, Fahrenheit Fingertips, Goofy Tony and the Celestial Quartet, aka Garden State Nate, better known as DA GAWD. We're halfway through the regular season and the standings are looking tight. Let's review how we got to such a close race for chance at the chip (which currently resides in Valhalla).

Snorlax 100.25 vs HOP off deez nuks 125.70

Juan, I hope the trip to DR gave you the drunken stupor to numb the pain of this loss. Between your drunk texts of "love ya" and pics of you being laid out on a bed with shoes on, I think you ignored the fact that you were vacationing with your opponent this week. I can't blame you for abandoning your team this week. Davante Adams is still out and most your players are on bye you actually don't have any options. The waiver wire looks like the crumby bits at the end of the cereal box and this was the best you could do. Take solace in the fact Tyreek Hill came back to get you over the hump of 100 pts. I know its gonna be hard to keep the faith, but maybe your team can get you to the promised land like this gif.



My man Shorty. You were able to enjoy the benefits of a win AND a great trip to DR. Not sure if you're aware, but your opponent lead us to believe that your kidneys had the capacity of a large 2nd grader and that you'd be in danger of being left amongst your in-laws folks. It looks like YOU had the last laugh though in this one. You had the better producers in each of the matchups between both players. You had Wentz, he had Ertz. You had Tucker, he had Boyd. This win wasn't pretty since you didn't really blow the roof off points - but a wins a win. Proud of you Black man.



falseProfits 107.85 vs Green Eggs and SAM 159.10

Early on Sunday, Adam had a premonition. As Jameis continued to make his bid as the new spokesman for Entenmann's, Adam said "sure am happy I benched him.....I think". Its like a little voice inside said "Despite Jameis managing to lose more points than some QBs can even get in a game, maybe I should've started him". It hurts to be right. Gardener Minshew managed to mince you're points (I tried a bad pun). On the bright side you still got some solid players. Catch some people on a bad bye week and you might be back in the running for a playoff spot. Til then, do the opposite of the Bucs and find a new QB.



Eddie, looks like things are shaping up just like last year. Coasting through the regular season and making trades to enhance your chances at the chip. You even believed in your Jet while staring in the face of a Cowboys team that everyone had pegged to win. This win had just a little extra to it didn't it. Its a shame you had to sacrifice one of your own men in green but decision had to be made right? Keep that 2nd place seat warm for my way up. I should be there in no time. You hear my foot steps yet?



Los Lobos 112.65 vs No One 136.40

It was all good just 3 weeks ago right? When Emmanuel Sanders turned the clock back to 2011 and Dalvin Cook told Kirk Cousins to stop throwing the ball, you thought you couldn't do no wrong. But now you're falling from grace. You flew too close to the sun. Somehow, I don't think you'll be in this middle of the pack for very long, but its been rough few weeks for you. Both Gordons under-performing had to get under your skin. You better start steering this ship out of the way of the iceberg waiting for you or you'll end up like the titanic.



Jesus, business as usual - amirite? You dodging landmines and staying in the top spot. Your defense is putting up better numbers than half of the teams RB1's and WR1's COMBINED - all with Saquon on the bench. You must be sleeping really well nowadays with such a cushy lead and command of this league's ship. But just like the matrix, this is all veiled control. At some point, this team is gonna turn into a pumpkin at the worst time. Just enjoy the ball til the clock reads week 12........Cinderfella.



This Team iz Lost 114.25 vs BUCeMDowN 155.85

I've never one to hold my tongue on an "I Told You So". In the midst of your comedic stupor, you not only missed an opportunity of knocking down the first place holder, but you also didn't bank the needed win to compensate for this week's loss. To make matters worse, you're breathing life into the Cheech of the league. I get it, the entire Rams offense let you down. Boo-fuckin-hoo. This game ain't nice. Its raw. Its the jungle. Ain't no expectations that can be counted on. You only can get it what you get while you here - until you die. Oh and if you're gonna hold two mediocre defenses, at least pick the one that faces a QB that has as many INTs as Lamar Jackson has TDs.



Hector, thank your lucky stars that Gordon has been an idiot over the last few weeks. You had no business making that stupid trade. Sure, Diggs blew up THIS week, but do you think your squad of RB2s and WR2s can take you the distance? Even worse, you trade for Brady AFTER he's played some of the worst teams in the league. Mark my GAWDLY words that Tom Brady won't even finish the season fantasy healthy. I know, you don't believe me - what's new? What's new is that when it all happens here in plain words, I'll have more ammunition to make an example out of you for years to come. So you won - big whoop.



FlaccOFF 145.60 vs SuperCRACK 163.85

Each week, I take great pleasure in watching you stash MASSIVE points on the bench. This week in particular was especially nice. As I told you early in the season, you'll be forced to keep starting Kelce because its the "right thing" but you'll keep having a better performing TE. First it was Greg Olsen and then you traded him because "you'll never use em". Now Hunter Henry is next up to the plate with the 30 points that would've won your matchup. This plague is a pleasure to watch unfold. If I were betting man, I'd say you'll never have Kelce start at the right time. Just remember that you had an opportunity to repent when you're watching everyone have fun in the playoffs. At least you have your league to fall back on.



Trav, you've yet to disappoint me this season. As I told everyone, a man with your dedication to watching bacon cooking could turn that focus into a GREAT fantasy team. With another optimal lineup (I'll excuse the fact Ju-Ju flopped) you've firmly established yourself as a force in the league. You told Quis to drop you off at the draft a block away so folks wouldn't see you associated with a fantasy GM like him. There's nothing more that Quis can claim he's taught you. You're on a mission and its great to watch.



GAWD Can't Hear You 114.80 vs DA GAWD 175.30

They say there's a moment before death where there's a feint light that brings people peace. I don't think Gerald has experienced that light. He now exists in a void. There's no hope. No chances. DA GAWD can't hear you when you denounce his blessings. Gerald just has to spend the rest of fantasy eternity wondering why he made the decisions he made while he was here on Earth. Let his corpse of a team be a warning to everyone as to what can happen. Now that I've finally turned him, I will set him loose to go forth and spoil everyone's chances at glory. There's still use for him and his booty pics yet.



"Niggas talkin shit, GAWD, how do you respond" DA GAWD is top 5 and there's more points to pile on. 3 Weeks in a row of capturing the highest point total and that point total just KEEPS CLIMBING. Maybe ya'll didn't hear me when I said to que the montage. I'm now at the stage where I'm hittin the speed bag quickly without looking. I'm getting close to catching the chicken. That double entendre means I'm close to getting my revenge on the person that set my rage in motion. My trifecta is forming. I'm getting production from the so called "squad of backups". You're all on notice.