Week 15 came and the intensity has increased. The pressure of a 1000 elephants has been put on your teams. While some were reduced to rubble, others changed from coal to diamonds. The final four showed us who were the contenders and who the pretenders. I'm not going to give you guys a bunch a hooplah about the season. Instead, let's focus on how these two matchups played out.
Saquon my balls 111.05 vs This Team Iz America 102.95
Gordon, using Currensy's Full Metal song as your battle theme for a comeback was creative. I had to find out what scene in Full Metal Alchemist that the sample came from. Brings a tear to my eye to see how you almost resurrected your team's soul while its was standing at the gates of hell. It almost happened too when CMC had to throw a 50 yd TD. I really wanted you to win this week for very selfish reasons though. I wanted to be the one to knock you out. Unfortunately, the combination of James Conner, James White, and the Giants forgetting what defense (or offense) looks like has preventing you from reaching that higher level.
See I held on to a picture of you sleeping with drool on the hand for an occasion just like this. You fell asleep at the wheel while having Mike Williams on the bench. You drafted so well when everyone thought you were just joking around with your picks. At times, I thought it was ridiculous but you proved everyone you had the love for Fantasy Football to put together a strong squad. Rough way to go homie. Thanks again for Kareem Hunt - the trifecta wouldn't have been a thing without him. Hopefully you enjoyed the ride this season.
Juan, out of all the mortals in these league, it is only YOU that has believed in the powers that Da GAWD exhibits. For such faith, you've been granted access to the coveted Championship. Each week on Sunday Night or Monday Night - you had to pray, let go and let GAWD. Through all the turmoil and sleepless nights, you've been blessed with the opportunity to come away this season with second place. Week 15 was no different. Your night opened up with CMC throwing the TD that Cam should've thrown. But instead of panicking, you simply went to sleep (as usual) to avoid the massacre that could've happened.
Count these blessings you've seen this season as they will keep you warm. Others in this league could use this type of faith for next season as they plan for ways to get to second place like you. I'll take it easy on you in Week 16.
Special Ed 142.00 vs DA GAWD Corleone 181.25
Ed, I took great pleasure in watching your futile attempts to stop me. This finale was set in motion since Week 3. Back on September 18th, you accepted a John Brown trade for Derrick Henry. You laughed and thought "got em; Derrick Henry won't be shit". Little did you know that DA GAWD plays cosmic chess - this shit ain't even close to checkers. I used Derrick Henry like the Manchurian Candidate so that he could go off in Weeks 14 and 15 in the event that I met up with you. All this was done to humble you and testify to the awesome powers of DA GAWD. I warned you in your Week 11 recap that all of this would happen. I'M SO FUCKIN' OMNIPOTENT THAT I MADE WENTZ ABANDON YOU TWICE IN ONE SEASON WHEN YOU PLAYED ME. This unfortunate series of events must have you thinking of the movie "Groundhog Day".
All season you doubted DA GAWD's abilities. Down to the bitter end, when the DA GAWD offered to accept a prayer for Baker Mayfield, you still lacked the faith. As a result, he put up a paltry 15 points. Meanwhile, Nick Chubb busted out a 40 yd run to get himself into double digits. The plagues didn't stop there though. Like Moses warned Ramses, you kept denying my powers. For each denial, a dud player developed. Saquon nowhere to be found in a game that didn't have Odell Beckham? Unthinkable. Lamar Miller getting hurt in the first quarter and out for the game? No way. Amari Cooper putting in a pedestrian performance after going nuclear the week before? Impossible. Yet it all happened. To add insult to injury, your kicker managed to grant NEGATIVE points for the day like he was a defense. It don't get more plague-y than that. You're only saving grace was the fact DA GAWD had DHop in another league where he still reigns supreme.
I hope you've been humbled by this experience. See you later.
We all knew this day would come. When DA GAWD would reach the pinnacle of Fantasy performance and rise in the chip. DA GAWD has answered prayers, delivered miracles, and absolutely dominated your teams all season. The non-believers were humbled each time and came to realize the power that I/He truly has. Each week, Da GAWD predicted plays with 95% accuracy and hasn't let down anyone all season. DA GAWD is not THE God but DA GAWD. Reaching back to back chips and conquering another galaxy in a single season is no easy fate. I've haven't just survived. In the universe, I've lost:
- Melvin Gordon
- Aaron Jones
- Jay Ajayi
- Carlos Hyde
- Rex Burkhead
- Marquis Goodwin
- Spencer Ware
- Austin Sefarian Jenkins
- Corey Clement
"If you really wanna ball till you fall when your back against the wall and a bunch a niggas need you go to away - Still goin' bad on em anyway."
#Amen
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