After a grueling regular season full of injuries, sickness and outright mayhem, you've made it to the next level - the fantasy playoffs (without DA GAWD). Four teams faced off to determine if they were worthy of hoisting the trophy at the end of 2020. Many people were lucky to correct course and get to the playoffs, unfortunately someone has to win and someone has to lose. Win or die. Drip or drown. Let's see how it all turned out.
Los Lobos 128.15 vs Philip on my Chubb 144.90
After a season full of wrong QB starts and anxiety riddled decisions, you made the playoffs. I was proud of how you got two T. Hill's in your lineup to get you to the promised land. Da GAWD was counting on you to take out the reigning champ and you almost succeeded. You came out the gates hot with David Montgomery putting together a solid performance. Every one of your players was admirable and showed up. But by the afternoon, Devante Parker managed to crucify you. I don't know how much it haunts you when MVS with 20 pts on the bench would've sealed a victory and allowed you to advance. Or worse, the disconnects between Andrews and Jackson for 50 points (is Andrew Jackson on the 50 dollar bill?) I don't want to think of that anguish. At the very least, you turned your season around and made it this far so you can't be mad at that. Maybe next year you'll hoist the trophy while surrounded by a bunch of twerkin thots, who's asses make waves in a jacuzzi filled with Moet. Until then, good season.
A wise man knows not to have a lot of enemies. The friction of constant conflict is a distraction in life and left unchecked can end up being what subtracts him from life. If possible, all enemies must be eliminated. With that said, you managed to eliminate another enemy despite your stable of backs being decimated. Devante held you down but the real stars of this week are your defense and kicker. Somehow in this world, a player like Blankenship steps foot in the same arenas as DK Metcalf. Having a combined 26 points from those two positions is a welcome gift. Let's just see if you still got the drip for Week 15.
A Team Had No Chance 124.65 vs falseProfits 176.50
Jesus, you fought valiantly all season and barely had Kenny Gollady or Chris Godwin play. You hustled. You bravely started Cam Akers and it looked like you had a fighting chance on Thursday. When Gerald magically granted you a DHop as your third wish, it breathed new life into your team and you escaped the fate of the rest of us at the bottom of fantasy football. But you could only go so far. Robert Woods and Justin Jefferson were simply no match for Adam's onslaught. Maybe if DA GAWD had your spot, this would've been a different outcome (clearly because I had MONSTER FUCKING WEEK). All's well that ends well I suppose. You made the playoffs when you didn't think you could. You evaded covid ridden Florida. Count your blessings, we'll celebrate your comeback into the playoffs with a proper funeral.
There was never a doubt in my mind how this game would go while you doubted yourself Adam. As prophesized, DA GAWD is looking beyond what your mortal eyes will see. Last time DA GAWD won a chip, he predicted a chip for Adam and then followed up with having the season of all seasons. This is but the first step in the multifaceted approach back to glory. Like 2017, a RB you had waited all season to erupt finally did and this time its Austin Ekeler. You had almost every player perform how they should perform each week. We even have a Hollywood resurgence on our hands. Bask in this glory for only a moment because you still have more of Da LAWD's work to do next week. Congrats on the win my unknowing accomplice.
Here we are in Week 12 and 2020 hasn't let up on its onslaught of catastrophe and mayhem. One of this Week's game's has been postponed all the way to Wednesday and complicated everyone's start em sit ems. We're in unprecedented times for the league and only the strong survive. With only 1 week left to determine playoff spots, its do or die time. Let's see how well everyone is positioned overcome the obstacles laid before them.
Kamaravirus 108.80 vs Pfizer 145.50
I'm really struggling to understand what's going on here Juan. You're spiraling out of control and your voodoo lineup is turning from blessing to curse. In Week 7's recap for Ian, we roasted him for starting Cam Newton and you chimed in with "lemon head, deady dead". But now you start him? This mentality is why we have "caution hot" on coffee cups. You had to know this team didn't have the stamina to go the distance. The highest pedigree names you have on the squad are Kamara and Kelce. Instead of chasing those parlays that Quis keeps selling you, its time to get down to business or you'll end up like Eddie. Cut off a goats head and spill it on your phone for good luck because things might get tragic really soon and you need all the help you can get.
Jesus, way to beat the fuckin' odds. With your playoff hopes on the line and facing off against 2nd place, I'm sure it was a daunting task. At some point during Thanksgiving, I saw Watson look through the cameras and say, "This one's for Jesus". Despite a no-show from Jonnu Smith, the rest of your team showed up like you were the Gipper that everyone talks about doing stuff for. You even showed some life on the bench with a Cam Akers TD (take notes on which Cam to start Juan). Great work this week, I hope you make the playoffs after so many set backs. You're a true overcomer.
Green Eggs and DAMN 100.60 vs ShuTheBuCUp 132.05
Yuck. Eddie, I can't believe this is the team that you've turned into after such a promising start of the season. Sitting your #1 overall pick for Brian Hill.....from the Julio-less Falcons? I can't imagine the turmoil you're going through. You play against your friend who had Leveon Bell, who then got traded to the team that your #1 pick is on, and he has managed to siphon carries away from him. Ugh. At least Evan Engram finally showed up. It looks like your playoff hopes are just about over, but I won't count you out just yet. You still got players like Deebo Samuel that can ball on your bench and you might just start em. Such a pity.
Another solid win for a commanding first place lead. Younghoe out here putting in that work and you just continue to steamroll your opponents. It makes sense that during an unprecedented season, an unprecedented GM would rise in the ranks towards Olympus. Hector, congrats on beating your friend twice and letting him know who wears the pants in the relationship. Deep down, I still hope the season is cancelled, but I also want you to lose in the Semifinals. I'll figure out how I feel later. Until then, keep winning.
Samuel Lamar Jackson 115.35 vs Philip on my Chubb 133.95
Yuck. Zeke coming through with a pitiful 2.9 points like he's some 4th string rb that you had to start in desperation instead of the "stud" you thought you traded for. If I were a salesman, you'd be my target audience. I got a Sou Sou investment group lined up whenever you're ready. At least Amari Cooper showed up and helped get you over 100 points. Even though there's one more week, your season of trying to escape the loser tax dungeon is over. If you start setting aside 5 10 dollars a month now, you won't even feel the loser tax, the bet with Hector, or your bet with me. At the very least, thanks for keeping the chat lively even though your team was dead.
Beating up on Gerald like its Week 1 all over again huh? Another solid win and you've secured your place in the playoffs. Even though Fuller didn't finish the season (yet again) it looks like he did more than enough to salvage your team's wrecked RB situation. You got another week to get some health on your side for the playoffs and luckily you've got a stable of backs that can get you there. If they don't get healthy, you might be stuck pushing them in for a TD yourself. But if they're all healthy, you might be kicking yourself starting the wrong ones. Good luck and good win.
falseProfits 160.60 vs It's Gonna Ertz 148.70*
Seeing into the future isn't always glitz and glam. Sometimes you see disappointment and heartache and there's nothing you can do to fix it. You really came out swinging this week Trav and had several players step up - especially Wayne Gallman and ex-Eagle Nelson Agholor. But when I separated the right and left hemispheres in my brain and witnessed your loss, it was sad to see Juju eat into Claypool's hot streak. Dionte Johnson will start off giving you a glimmer of hope with a solid TD and 65 yds while Claypool will have 60 scoreless yards. It will be admirable, but JuJu will get the bulk of the love as he revels in winning against a recently ravaged division rival. It was a good run Trav and you can still make the playoffs under the right circumstances.
Adam, its nice to see you coming back to form after some ho-hum seasons. Your team is healthy at just the right time and this reminds of the season where you came back to win after starting slow. I think that was the first Todd Gurley year. Anyway, great win this week with Antonio Gibson putting in a Derrick Henry type day and getting real production from Ekeler after waiting MONTHS for him to come back. You held strong and were rewarded. The perseverance is noticed and if there's anyone that I could "settle" for allowing to have the trophy it would be this squad. You have been given Da Blessing.
Easy Drake Oven 143.05 vs Los Lobos 204.20
How many times this season have you seen over 200 points against you? Honestly, I don't know how you cope with all the bad luck that comes your way. You managed to face off against Tyreek Hill in 2 leagues in the week he goes ballistic. And even though your team, yet again, would have beat over half the league, you manage to play the one team that would annihilate you. Ouch. At least Gordon and Gerald lost so you won't be paying any loser tax. But is that better than having the dark cloud of bad luck around your team all season? Here's to hoping that in some alternate league universe, there's a Shorty that's dominating his league while yawning his way to a chip and talking all the smack along the way in WhensApp.
Well look what we have here. After dropping Cam Newton and abandoning Drew Brees, it looks like Ian has found a new Saint QB to solve his start em sit em woes. Not only has his QB situation been solved, but the Cheetah set FLAMES to his opponent. At almost every level, players showed up seemingly from nowhere and allowed Lobos to get over 200 points and establish highest total of the week. Hanging on to your playoff spot by a thread, this was the type of win you needed since those points will help buffer any late season heroics by others. You're not out of the woods yet, but you can see the clearing. Good win.
This Team Iz Paying the Loser Tax 127.50 vs DA GAWD 127.95
This week, I was in shock that you decided to start both Trey Burton AND TY Hilton. Losing CMC most of the year had to hurt and the fact that you drafted poorly really showed up. Don't blame anyone else for this tax, because it all started in September. I almost gave this win away to you by leaving Swift in the lineup. But because you hate winning, you decided to start the WR that didn't even have a QB over SEVERAL viable options that would have easily been better. I hope this season was a learning experience and you take this knowledge and dominate somewhere in the G leagues. Work your way back up to playing in the Thunderdome that is the Game of Throws.
What a feeling to overcome the odds and get that last catch in the dying seconds so that I can at least claim Gerald's bet. There was so much worry after having several players out and with Covid and pulling hammys. Looks like my luck vs Gordon's luck will prevail even when the playoffs seem out of reach. One more week left and then we're in the playoffs. The energy never dies when you're a overcomer. Hope everyone makes it count.
