Now I stopped by to tell ya, you got ta make up in yo mind…. you gonna trust in GAWD? or you gonna trust in..the lames. You gonna trust in GAWD? or you gonna trust in….the lame names? You gonna trust in GAWD? Are you gonna make up yo mind, to trust in those GM’s that ONE DAY will perish. So therefore brothers and bitches, you got to make up in yo mind….are you gonna trust DA GAWD? Because you cannot go to WAR against DA GAWD. Chasin’ the chip, brother sometimes, your idols become yo rivals. Let’s get to it.
ANOTHA LOSS 83.80 vs GanGreen 111.65
The bye-week’s did you dirty this week G. I can’t believe you were better off not starting a kicker OR defense. You would have GAINED 7 points between those two positions. I get that we didn’t expect you to win this week, but you gotta play to WIN come in 3rd. As a faithful disciple, I can only say you’ll be in the money- just not the big money. Stay blessed for the haters.
Ed, don’t be proud to be a bye-week bully. Gerald had no choice but to lose to you. You luckily snaked Chris Ivory for a quick 13 pts. Had Gerald not Plax’d himself, you could’ve been in serious trouble. Either way, I’m happy you turned your sorry excuse for a team into something worth worrying about. If you keep this up, I can grant you a quick death in the playoffs and you’ll be wrapping presents by 4 pm.
SitTheFucDown 77.15 vs 165.10 Beard in the North
Just when I thought you were all out of tricks, you managed to get the lowest point total of the SEASON. Not the week. Not the month. The muthafuckin’ season. Hector, I let you know you were a demi-gawd early on. After taking Da GAWD’s name in vain, you ruined the playoff hopes of EVERYONE attached to Aaron Rodgers. And this week alone, you got people giving up on Mike Evans. Best believe we smell the fear in your trades and smells like the piss runnin down your legs after the beating you took. You can’t trade your way to a better team and you can’t shuffle around the chairs on the deck of the titanic - the shit is still gonna fail. So just like the puppy in this gif, you ain’t big enough to get to the top. Now see your way out a playoff spot.
Beard, I knew you had it in you. After being 3rd in pts but 8th in the league, I knew you’d blow up at just the right time. When Matt Forte got his first TD, DA GAWD sent the blessings for “Anotha One”. By Thursday night, Hector made plans for NEXT Sunday. I bet you've been waiting on this ALL SEASON to show that you could get some wins again. Now I’m not saying you’re making the playoffs, cause you might do some dumb shit. But you’re well on your way - after losing to Da GAWD for the 2nd time, of course.
Lost Lobos 97.05 vs jonathan’s Team 126.55
Can someone tell me where Ian is? After going MIA on his team and the chat and THEN squeaking out a win, he’s on the back of a milk carton again. Had he started Beasely and Williams he had a shot at beating the other dumpster fire in the league. But no. He just HAD to get that lucky win against Da GAWD. Keep playing “will they, won’t they” with Zeke as you just wait til the 2018 season, cause this one’s a wrap.
Jonathan, I don’t know why I bother writing your recaps. You’re not real. You’ve been Juan’s imaginary friend since 3rd grade and no matter how many times he writes your name down (without a capital J) you won’t magically win and become a real boy. I can’t give props to a team that don’t exist. Holla at Da GAWD when Juan cuts your strings pinocchio.
Aaron Out of Collarbones 123.60 vs Rudy 128.05
We know...how could Ertz say he’s not gonna right before a game I’m supposed to win? How can I lose Will Fuller production just as I scream “ALL HE DOES IS GET TD’S”? Da GAWD. That’s the only answer Quis. Da GAWD foretold of having Fuller production for 2 weeks AT BEST. DA GAWD FORETOLD that Jeffrey would blow up against an elite secondary. But don’t trip. Now’s not the time for fear…...that comes later.
SHORTY WIT THE BIG WIN. What I tell you Shorty? You had this in the bag once Da GAWD threw up the prayers for Brees. Real talk, you bout to be the underdog of the league. There’s a old black man waiting to give you the advice of your fantasy life so you can go out and get that 1 playoff win. Da GAWD wants to thank you for doin’ Da LAWD’s work. So go out and celebrate.
Hangin’ w/ jonathan’s TEAM 112.50 vs No One 125.05
Juan, do you really want me to write your recap? You can just re-play the “highlights” of the Giants season and that’ll tell the full story. Da GAWD was listening to sports radio the other day and he couldn’t if they were talkin about the Giants or Juan. “Should the team just scrap this season and think about the future”? “Should the team try to re-sign Odell or go for a whole new look” “Should this team stop suckin’ dick?”....nevermind, there’s the mojo to diss you. Anyway, your spoiler abilities rely on the Giants winning. This season been out your hands since we drafted early.
Jesus, I’d say you dodged some bullets but you really didn’t. Juan don’t have the foresight to start Robert Woods against his shitty Giants and DAMN SURE don’t even know who A.Derby is. Remember, this was the same dude that thought Trevor Dickmilk was a viable QB option at one point. But winnin’s nothin new for you this season right? You’ve got 200 pts the person with 2nd highest points so you should breeze to that bye week. Just remember these days when DA GAWD sees you.
Da Dick 121.65 vs DA GAWD 132.55
Rich’s squad was a 14 pts favorite going into the week. Yahoo AND Rich thought Da GAWD was a fake and not destined for this magnificent victory. More than that, I’ve never seen a worse plague than Jared Goff on the bench while Da GAWD skates to another victory. The real fake news this week is how you're gonna make it back into a playoff spot.
This is a public service announcement for all you non-believers that think DA GAWD ain’t winnin’ the chip. The eclipse foretold of the glorious day that DA GAWD will rise above and be adorned with the chip. There will be nothing to stop it. Not a single one of you will be able to prevent the meltdowns that your team experiences when facing DA GAWD.
#Amen
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