I don't think y'all are understanding what you're about to witness this season. I'm being humble about it though, but Da GAWD is putting together a performance and you're all a witness. Your feeble attempts at second place are just the subplot of my magnificent season. But since you all lack the 4th dimensional vision I have, I'll recap Week 2 from the 3rd dimensional perspective.
This Team is Toast 86.45 vs Wilson! 92.80
We all thought things were bad when you had to start both Steelers Rbs. But this shit is turning tragic and we ain't even hit bye weeks. Tua going down turned the cheetah into a house cat and Amari Cooper is researching rub n tugs on Craigslist to get his QB right. You know it's bad when your kicker outscored 4/5 of your first picks. To top it all off, you tricked on Colby Parkinson like TE was your biggest concern. Please stay off the drugs.
Shorty, count your lucky stars that you played Gordon this week. Your fantasy team and Steelers seem to be kindred spirits. Can't put points on the board but coming away with an ugly win. I hate to put this plague on you, but when you start JK Dobbins next week he's gonna barely get 10 pts since you kept doubting him. Da GAWD has spoken.
Your Chubby White Nabers 112.25 vs Django Achaned 136.10
I'm getting a lot of entertainment watching your QBs perform exactly the same. It's kinda like predestiny in that whoever you choose, it's the same outcome. The only head scratcher is believing in Courtland Sutton. The Steelers play good defense, the Broncos play bad offense and you sat TWO players that went up against two mid-terrible defenses. For your sake, I hope holding Chubb doesn't end up like that year you held Le'veon Bell.
Guess this game was sewn up by Thursday night huh? With Tua down, it looks like Achane is the one to own in the entire offense. Then Davante Adams practiced his Michael Jackson moves on the way to securing the win all before the 4pm games started. Keep going strong this season. You'll be back in the playoffs in no time. Sidenote, I'm very happy you have Pitts.
High School High 118.65 vs I like to Marv it Marv it 182.20
Da GAWD spent WAY too much time trying to understand this performance. So you spent almost 25% of your FAAB money on a player to BENCH HIM?? In favor of a guy that's barely an option and got 0.00 points? And now you're gonna be down Pacheco? I don't know what to make of the rest of your season, but I think it's time to talk to a fantasy financial planner and curtail this spending before your season is over by Week 4. Or maybe call JG Wentworth. You need cash now.
Highest point total of the week after struggling last week. Da GAWD is hating because the plan was to get highest total every week. Lucky for you, everyone on the internet made fun of the Cardinals for stupidly not getting the ball to Marvin Harrison. On top of that, you benefited from AJ Browns absence and Josh Jacobs getting a millions touches. Just gotta hope he can keep up that kinda usage before he gets a permanent Q tatted on his on leg.
Team DQ 121.50 vs Looking at thr man in Jahmyr 125.55
Winning a chip in this league is similar to the Madden curse. You had to be prepared to understand that no matter who you drafted, misfortune was gonna follow. It's rough when you gotta start a number 15 Zeke and a Rams TE with the same name as a disease. I don't know if things get better but don't let this stop you from ignoring the chat. You're doing a great job.
On Thursday night, I was worried about you being highest point total of the week. James Cook went crazy and it looked like you had the win in the bag. But then things got dicey by Sunday night and you were left praying for Kirk Cousins not to be Kirk Cousins in primetime. Damn shame he had to come through for you against the Eagles. But this league is what matters and you secured the win.
Get off My Dak 141.85 vs Machine Gun Kelce 154.85
There must be something in the air whenever you play Gerald. The games are close and he has no business starting some of the players he does. Despite having Kamara go nuclear, the injuries on your team held you back. Losing Kupp and Deebo is gonna have massive effects on your squad moving forward - and that's after having Engram out. Just remember the good times of being a champ. This season ain't it.
When you started getting excited at that Shaheed TD, I knew you were still gonna win. It's like your whole squad showed up to prove me wrong that you were gonna lose. It's a solid win to hold up without AJ Brown or Kenneth Walker. The good thing is that your bench players did good enough to start screwing up your start em sit em decisions. Just don't forget who's still ahead in the standings.
The Syndicate 128.45 vs DA GAWD 169.90
I hate it had to be you with the first bro. I tried to preach to everyone at the draft about what was coming to CMC but it was already written in Da Good Book. I could spend time explaining what you could and couldn't do, but it didn't matter. Ultimately, you ran into Da GAWD during the blessed season.
I know there's still non believers in this league but you'll all understand soon. When Da GAWD is talking y'all need to listen. I remember I used to fall asleep in church. My Grandma used to slap the hell out my ass. I see why though. Cause when somebody talkin' you supposed to listen to everything that they sayin'.
Especially when a Gawd like me talkin'.
#Amen
No comments:
Post a Comment