Heavy Heart (Week 8)

Heavy Heart (Week 8)

I gave this league everything I got. Always kept it real from the very start. Niggas ain’t thorough like I always thought. Damn…...this week left me with a heavy heart. Niggas plot on every win I got. I kept it trill from the very start. Seen so many teams cross me, I don’t know where to start. But let’s get into this recap you bitches been beggin’ for. Cause I’m bout to cut the grass and expose you snakes for the pathetic GM’s you are.

Pumpkin Gang  95.30 vs Aaron Out My Nelson 154.15

Ed, I tried lookin back at your roster to see where your autism flared up but I couldn’t find it. It was simply a case of the bye weeks, injuries, and Julio playing like a mortal for the 7th fucking week in a row. Da Gawd wanted to bless you with a win but it wasn’t in the cards. After failing Da Gawd’s plans of demoralizing Quis, you’re squad is useless to me. While you've made a run out of the dumps of the league, you're back to a pumpkin. I think the image below sums up the week so far.

Despite benching the #TE1 of the week, you managed to get a high point total from ya boy Will Fuller. Da GAWD coulda traded for em, but I didn’t want to fall into the mindgames of last year’s trade for Fuller. Then again, Da GAWD’s prophecy has now came true as of today. Deshaun Watson is down. While my all-knowing oracle abilities predicted an injury to Fuller, a Deshaun Watson injury will do. Da GAWD has issued plagues across the league and you weren’t spared. Just remember when it was all good…….. ABOUT A WEEK AGO!

Loser in the North 97.40 vs ANOTHA WON 121.65

Adam, Da Gawd can’t make sense of the gm decisions you out here making. You STILL startin’ TY Hilton over #1 option in Detroit, “Livin’ my life like its Golden” Tate? We know you preppin’ for winter and all but I mean…….how early you wanna be in the cold of the playoff race. The week before, you were chasin’ Austin Hooper points like this the Falcons of 2016. Either get righ, get back, or get the fuck out the way because REAL teams are tryin’ to compete. AND STOP LETTIN’ YOUR BENCH PLAYERS HAVE MORE LIFE THAN THE STARTERS!

My G! ANOTHA victory with your back against the wall during the bye weeks. Why you still believe in old ass Jason Witten, I’ll never know….but a win is a win. Staying in the hunt is keepin’ your repeat hopes alive. Like Da GAWD been tellin you all season, stay blessed. You may not win the chip, but your faith gonna at LEAST let you win some money back. Continue the crusade of teachin’ this scrubs who DA GAWD is.  

Finally Ended the Streak 103.75 vs  Giant’s Spirit Animal 153.50

Shorty, the win streak stopped quickly. Just when you thought you had some life and could stop boo lovin’ wit the wife, your squad stalled out. We all know your squad is in the dumps. Why you insist on trying is beyond me. You ain’t Rudy and there ain’t no magic Black man (except Da GAWD) that can save your pathetic team. When you got players like Isiah Crowell ballin’ on the bench while you had to start a 2nd string Oakland RB, you know times is hard. Now if you come to the Light of Genesis, you might have a shot at JUST missing the playoffs. Until then, give up.

Juan, I been tellin you all season how your fantasy hopes are tied to the success of the Giants. Since they were on a bye, you managed to produce a good week and TIE for last. I’d tell you to give up and cash in those Wendy’s fries, but I think you’re missing too many chromosomes to do it. If you think JuJu Fruit Smith-Schuster gonna keep ballin’ you got another baby comin. Until then, hug your kids, kiss your wife, and tell them the presents are gonna be light this year without a chip.

Juanthan’s Team 105.15 vs Flame On 187.90

Its been 8 weeks and I’m convinced that Juan Jonathan just been doubling up on his losses til this point. I know Da Gawd’s Eagles have the best record in the league, but it ain’t from the entire offense you got on your squad. How many times Blount gotta let you down? How many times you gonna choose between Agholor and Torrey Smith? You and your squad is non-existent and I don’t know how this pathetic league puts up with you joining. Just make a trade or trick somebody into taking over your squad. P.S. my bad for tellin you to start Torrey Smith but it looks like the outcome was the same.

Jesus, you’ve been absolutely on fire with whomever you start. Just when Juanathan thought he was gonna catch a break after Miami’s pisspoor showing, you Johnny Blazed em. After witnessing the Astros win the World Series, I’m convinced that the victims of natural disasters are due for championship level performances. FYI, I’m not talkin’ about the hurricanes you caught - I’m talkin the natural disaster that was your team last year. Congrats on top points of the week.

The Worst Name in the League 125.00 vs ShutTheBucUp 137.40

Rich Dick (I think that’s the more appropriate nickname for Richard), this matchup was actually fun to watch. Da Gawd pegged you to be the winner and then you started blaspheming Da GAWD’s name in vain. Low and behold, the error of your ways caught up with you. Starting Benny fuckin’ Fowler over Alex ‘Riverdance’ Collins made no sense. Then again, it doesn’t make sense you’re using a TE from the niners. Either way, you’re still shit, no one likes your fantasy name, and you ain’t shit. Good luck testin’ Da GAWD week 9.

Buc, you did it. You came from behind. You did the unthinkable and survived Da GAWD’s plagues thanks to your opponent's non-believing ways. Does Da GAWD think you can earn some wins with a declining Jordy Nelson, a 2 week at best Alfred Morris, and BUCK ‘fumble at the goal line’ Allen? Not really. But you just might make the playoffs. Until then, keep scrounging around in the waiver wire.

The Walking Dead 124.95 vs Da GAWD 124.35

Da GAWD wants everyone to know that it took a group effort to try an defeat him. Through the help of the commish, the devil, and a few phone calls, Ian’s team managed to put up JUST ENOUGH points to effectively win. Do I think the league colluded against Da GAWD? Of course. Am I still waiting on the stat correction? You betcha. But if you think this keeps Da GAWD awake at night then you must lick windows for fun. Now this don’t mean that Ian can make a comeback because the plague has now taken effect and Zeke is done for real this time. Maybe it was time to see exactly how much hope you had left JUST to snatch it away.

Either way, Da GAWD don’t give a fuck and he’s still bound to win the chip. As the first disciple said himself, “Seeds 4-6 got the best chance at winnin’ the chip”

#Amen