Lucky Me (Week 4)

 

Whew. What a week 4. Just when we think trends are starting to be established by teams, everything gets flipped on its head. Several games came down to the wire and everyone is fighting to the bitter end. Normally DA GAWD's all seeing eye and start determine champs by this point in time but this season is different. This season will be a week to week waiver wire battle until someone cashes in on a true gem. Let's review the games.

Josh Alrighty 114.80 vs Ballers 172.85

A week removed from Josh's nuclear reaction, it seems that Juan and Adam switched places in terms of bench ballers. The pain of watching Aiyuk and Kittle put up a combined 10 points compared to Knox and Gainwell's 40 points must be infuriating. Hour after hour on Sunday you watched as your team's score barely moved the needle. I'd say you're due for a bounce back Week 5 but I'm sure the panic is starting to set in. Let's hope all that partying at that wedding helped ease the pain of this loss. 

This week Adam let his starters leave it all out on the field with nothing left on the bench. After weeks of wondering when that first win would come, it finally dropped into his lap. Although you're still in the bottom quarter of the league, these points and the win can start to right this ship. Congrats on a solid win and highest point total of the week. You've been redeemed from weeks of agonizing start em sit ems.

Run Chubba Hubbard 115.75 vs You Done Messed Up A-Aron 146.20

Its a good thing you got that 1 point win last week because you're hurtin' without CMC or AJ Brown. There really weren't many options for you this week and it makes sense that this is the best outcome that could've happened. With some additional Q's poppin up on Henderson and Higbee, you might be faced with an ultimate decision in terms of who you can drop in order to try salvage a win in Week 5. Time is not on your side when it comes to your player health. 

There were some rough weeks for you there Shorty, but this week you rose victorious. All of your players came to play so it must've been a much better Sunday. I know you hate to see AJ Dillon splitting those carries with Jones, but at least you know you have a viable backup. If you keep this up with your kicker included tri-fecta, you'll be in the playoffs for the first time since we thought Gronk retired. Fun fact for all that are looking, Shorty currently has a Gold rating for this yahoo fantasy stats. You've been warned.  

Summer 21 94.80 vs Delta Variant 147.55

Final-fucking-ly. Quis has taken his first loss of the season and it just so happened to be on his vacation. Maybe the trophy chooses its champions and inflicts them with the curse of losing while on vacation. This seems to be a fluke since players that were hot last week failed to deliver this week. Or maybe its a sign of the changing times like people showing up to packed concerts while covid warnings were still around. Either way, its nice to see you knocked back to reality. 

We should all take a minute to thank Ian for deciding to get his first win of the season against Quis. If there was ever an underdog story, it'd be this one. Even though the wrong QB was started, there seems to be a resurgence for Saquon Barkely and Ian's team. Solid win on the week and congrats on staying ahead of Gordon in the standings...even if it is just by one point. 

The Neon Icon 139.40 vs Chubby Chasers 154.75

Just when you were starting to get that comfy feeling of being in the top six, you go ahead and start Juju knowing damn well Big Ben got tyrannosaurus arms. Now it would've been tough to beat Trav considering he's been lighting it up this season, but that start didn't help. Judging by the recent events with David Montgomery, it would've been nice to have 75 bucks to spend on his backup. I'm sure Mitchell will turn up soon. 

Travy Trav back in first place like he never left. In a matchup that was sure to be close, he rolled the dice and saw three 7's from Cordarelle RB?WR? Patterson. They say its better to be lucky than good and shows here. To start him against what should've been a bounce back defensive game for Washington took cold blue balls. Congrats on reclaiming first place and showing the other gm's who you are in this league. 

This Team Iz Who Remains in Last 149.40 vs Becton Egg and Cheese 152.40

What a crushing loss for your morale. Just when you thought you could rise out of last place, DJ Chark goes down in the first qtr on Thursday. On top of that, you lose a WR right after trading Bobby Trees away to the team you matched up against. You fought hard to come back from Thursday but it just wasn't enough after that donut. Hopefully Kenny Golladay can fill that void...Lord knows the rest of that bench on your team can't. 

Talk about kicking a man when he's down. Eddie, that's just diabolical to win with the WR your opponent just traded to you RIGHT AFTER he lost his other WR to a season ending injury. But that's the type of ruthlessness needed in this league. If you can hold on long enough, Kyle Pitts might start living up to that high draft position you spent for him, and he can finally get you to the chip. The key is starting the players on your team effectively the rest of the season. Good win.

Team So Close 139.15 vs DA GAWD 140.95

DQ, I'm sure you started this week thinking you had this win in the bag considering you were projected to be a 15 point favorite. If we were betting, you were probably at -700 odds. Too bad divine intervention set in Monday night to correct the loss that Da GAWD had the previous week. Truth be told, Da GAWD spread word that all he needed that night was for a missed FG and to only get 2 xp but you wouldn't believe me unless I recorded the convo. Regardless, don't beat yourself up too much, you still on the right side in the win column.

DA GAWD is starting the engines and trying to get all his players to converge for an onslaught of points. First up was Hill. Next up is a 3 TD day for Diggs. By Week 7, Tannehill should perform like the QB I know he can be. Until then, keep placing those waiver prices high. There's more carnage around the corner. Lucky me, I got the win to keep things going in the right direction.

#Amen

Won't Take My Soul (Week 3)

 

What a week. Da GAWD ain't gonna front, this week showed that they're just giving coaching jobs to any fuckin body with a pulse and hat. So many games decided by Monday night and it was straight up scary hours. Start em sit ems won't make sense as long as coaches don't utilize players properly while also allowing washed up QBs continue to playing. Can't make sense of this football no more, but I ain't gonna let it take my soul. Let's get into it. 

Cal Naughton Jr. 113.70 vs Ricky Bobby 21 197. 50

Your time at the top was short lived Trav. There were a lot of bench points left on the table but there's nothing you could've done to prevent this defeat except not make a deal with the devil himself. Da GAWD used his awesome powers to take a look at the meeting you had with Quis at the Applebees in Linden. Below is what I saw. (Ain't nothin wrong wit silver!)

Quis, congratulations on highest point total of the week and vaulting yourself into first. I'm getting real tired of writing about your wins. The first two weeks were just fine but this shit is fucking disgusting. The atoms in my fingers can't muster the grace to stay calm and admit that you're playing well. Instead I just blame everyone else. I blame the coaches, the fantasy gms in this league. You've even managed to deliver Mike Williams to fantasy relevance - a feat DA GAWD struggled with for years. Congrats on your win. I swear to me you better not win this league again or we're getting a new commish. 

Delta Variant 159.60 vs Team DQ 160.60

Da GAWD is feeling your pain this week. You got every start em sit em right, delivered a respectable score with 5 minutes left in Monday night and STILL got robbed of a victory. The fantasy season just ain't being kind to you. No way would you start Henry Ruggs over Joe Mixon, but somehow that's exactly what would've got you the win. This loss ain't on you playa. Quis used the dark arts to bring DQ back to life. Here's to hoping you find your first win soon. 

I hope you're happy. A garbage time TD allowed you to squeak by a winless team. I don't know how long you can keep this charade up, but a win is a win. At some point, your early season winning team will turn on its head and I'll be there to ridicule every step of the way. Siriani will one day realize he can't just run the ball 3 FUCKING TIMES ALL GAME and Hurts production will falter. I don't want to say good win, just congratulations on not losing. 

 Gordon's First Win This Season 121.70 vs This Team Iz He Who Remains 141.40

With such a bad week for so many gms, I think you might have it the worst (and I lost by less than a point). Boyd did you miss on out starting D'Andre Swift. The way your bench is balling, I'm about to start looking for props on the players you have on your bench and take the overs. To make things worse, you're winless and you just lost to Gordon. I'm not saying its time to panic, but you might start throwing some trades out there so you don't have to deal with some of these start em sit ems. 

How's it feel to be in the land of the winning? Thanks to some great efforts from your kicker and defense, you put together a respectable total and worked your way into winning. Just think, right now when Quis tries to diss you, you can wax-off that shit and point to Adam or Ian. You're team may not be good and your football knowledge is questionable, but at the very least you're not last. Congratulations on a solid win. 

The Neon Icon 102.65 vs Becton Egg and Cheese 110.85

This game was much closer than the final score really shows. Monday Night had you on the edge of your seat while you watched Zach Ertz get multiple targets and catches while you were left wondering if the Eagles were being paid by Draftkings (or maybe that was me). Maybe things get better when Elijah Mitchel and Josh Jacobs come back. At least you got your 2 wins ahead of time to buffer yourself for their return. I think you redeem yourself with a playoff berth this year so don't let this speedbump derail you. 

Eddie, Jalen Raegor really bailed you out of this one. In a week where you could've used Hunt over Slayton, you were able to prevail. Your team is still pretty trash thanks to that early pick on Kyle Pitts, but you got 2 wins already. I'd say you were lucky to play Gordon week 4, but anything could happen. Congrats on your win. 

You Done Messed Up A-Aron 151.05 vs Josh Almighty 158.80

I'm feelin' your pain this week too Shorty. After years of making fun of the way you lose, I think I finally gained the empathy of how bad this feels. You had Juan dead in the water for a while til Kittle started cookin on Sunday night. On top of that, you also succumbed to the non-sense that was Monday night. It don't make sense how shit like this happens and I ain't got the answers Sway. Watching your fav team lose AND your fantasy team lose is rough. Keep your head up. 

At least someone was able to benefit from Josh Allen's dominant day. Was it Diggs? No, it was every other receiver not named Diggs. Your team has been running on fumes these last few weeks with injuries and covid but you survived it all. I don't want to say you on your santaria shit again, but this win had to feel good. Congrats on being 2-1 busting up the Quis and crew party at the top. 

Run CMC 112.80 vs DA GAWD 111.85

This matchup really had the makings of my usual plagues but here we are with you winning by less than a point. I don't know if you saw the trend from last week, but Juan lost his receiver in the 1st quarter and so did you. To make it even easier for me, you lost CMC on Thursday and had inactive from Henderson. This week was mine to win and MIRACULOUSLY, the Eagles decide to stop running the ball after 3 tries while Sanders averaged 10+ yds a carry. The fantasy world don't get more stressful than this. Congrats on your win while I wallow in misery. Just let me know when Cooks is on the block. 

DA GAWD don't have the answers on this. Multiple leagues were lost by less than 5 points while DA GAWD's very own team looked like they were run by a HS coach. The level of frustration is building and when I unleash the fury that is my team, there will be hell to pay. Until then, I'm gonna go eat ice cream. 

#Amen

War Stories (Week 2)

 

Week 2 came and unsettled expectations immediately. GM's scoured through the waivers for injury replacements only to see more chaos. WR7's getting TDs. Benches ballin. Its the pain of the unbelievable that makes fantasy football the fun it is. Let's see who felt those Monday Morning Tears and Tuesday Morning Cheers. 

Bench Ballers 118.75 vs The Neon Icon 125.30

It's been a while since I seen people envious of another team's bench. I've never seen people envious of the an 0-2 team's bench. I'd question your faith in Bengals producing regularly, but I get it. Week 1 made you a believer like it does to many. At the very least, you might be able to go back to your trade predator stomping grounds and trade away James White for a Becton Egg and Cheese sandwich. I pray the stress of Week 3's start em sit em doesn't have you on edge. You can still turn this around and don't be so gullible for that Week 1 gold.

Things were lookin' mighty scary when the Icon decided to blow the league chat up after spending 3/4 of his Faab budget on a single player. It's a record in this league and its only the second year we've done it. That Buffalo defense led the way for you to get this win. A single TD by Tua could've ruined the whole thing. We haven't seen you at 2-0 since your were Hotline Bling. Good to see you back. I'd make fun of that Elijah Mitchell purchase but you got the win despite it so count ya blessings. 

Egg on your Head 111.00 vs Covid 21 176.55

Things looked like they were turning around when Scary Terry had a good Thursday. But then Quis' starters beat your starters. His bench beat your bench. You were just a beaten man all Sunday. It's like you were living vicariously through Zach Wilson and wanted to do your laundry by 2:30. Word around town is that people wondering if your former league-mate was the real brains behind "Heddie". Start setting aside $2 a week now because that team you have will take a MIRACLE to make the playoffs. 

The reigning champ following up last week's win with a dominant performance. Your fantasy acumen is showing when you decided to start Gronk AND Kelce. You were rewarded properly and maximized your point production. Not many people can roll the dice like that. At this rate, it looks like the league didn't learn a damn thing in 2 years. You're preying on the weak. Congrats on the win. 

The Sniffles 133.90 vs Chubby Chasers 170.15

Damn. Hate to see your team running into schedule problems. After player injuries removed the burden of start/sit decisions from your head, you ran into this year's underdog that's runnin' hot. Your player choices couldn't get any better. Its not like you were hoping MVS was gonna blow up for 40, but you could've used some extra points considering you sittin' at the bottom. As soon as Michael Thomas and OBJ get out the rejuvenation chamber, you got a shot at avoiding the loser tax. Until then, just pray that the only players you can start end up playing well. 

Our resident Last Chance U product is turning into the story that so many before wish they could achieve. Trav is now sitting atop the standings with a commanding point total. Who needs Brandon Aiyuk when you got sights set on Rondale Moore?? Its like his heart turned cold as he drove away from the airport and put all that pain into putting trying to get a chip. The trophy is known to cure all that ails like a holy grail. I hope you get close enough to see it this year. Good win.

This Team Iz Who We Thought They Were 119.05 vs You Done Messed Up A-A-Ron 150.05

Did anybody besides Gordon think that Gordon was going to win this week? When I'm putting together a DFS lineup, sometimes I check who he's starting in this league and make sure to avoid them. You didn't draft 5 RBs with your first 5 picks, but somehow our receivers look like that's exactly what happened. I don't know how else to help at this point. Does the league need to do an intervention on how you assess talent in the NFL? You made the playoffs your first year. How did it get this bad?

If there was anyone that needed a rebound game it was you Shorty. Luckily Gordon is great for those. Lamar Jackson and Aaron Jones came through in Primetime both nights to seal this victory and make up for the lack of points last week. I know you were itching for this recap because there's only so many times you can feel this good about your team. Its well deserved. This might just give you the energy you need to get back into playoff contention and maybe get some revenge on Quis. I think you need it the most. 

Stunned CMC 146.00 vs Team DQ 192.90

It was all good last week being highest total of the week. Easy come, easy go. The glaring issue I saw from this week was the lack of production from AJ and Higbee. Then when I looked at your bench, its not like there's a lot there that will correct the issue. We've seen this story from you before. You have a stellar Qb that can run and pass (Watson, Wilson, now Kyler) and they support you until they don't. There's only so long that Kyler can keep putting up these numbers before people catch your lucky charm. Let's hope the bye weeks don't bully you. 

After putting in a respectable loss last week, it looks like you harnessed the powers of the great Derrick Henry (aka siphon TD's from Julio and Tannehill) to get the highest point total of the week. Maybe you do have what it takes to make a splash in the league your first year. Maybe you do more research on NFL teams than routes to destinations. Maybe you a true fantasy footballer. There's still some weeks left so we'll keep an eye on you. Congrats on the point total. 

Josh Almight 117.75 vs Da GAWD 109.65

Juan, congrats on this win. I'm not congratulating you because you did something good, I'm pretty much saying your welcome. On Thursday, I played the mind game plague for Sterling Shepard and it seemed to have worked. By Sunday, Jarvis was already down with less than 2 points. Kittle did nothing and Antonio Brown was barely there. Too bad I had DJ Moore in my other leagues. You started everyone you were supposed to and you came away with a win, but losing another player to injury in the process. At least your 500, because 0-2 would've been rough. 

This loss is 10000% my fault. Somehow DA GAWD got in his mind that its time to tinker with the lineup at 12:30 PM - the witching hour. I started and sat Tannehill 20 times before moving to my other 7 galaxies and doing the same thing. That level of stress was unnecessary and resulted in the losses that were easily preventable. DA GAWD won't miss again, and now its time for da war.

#Amen

Jose Canseco (Week 1)

Welcome back to the marvelous......the exalted.....the ultra.... Game of Throws Monday Morning Tears recaps. Your host this season, aka the Prophet of Profits, Vicelord of Victories, aka Drip Van Winkle, aka Garden State Nate heretofore addressed as DA GAWD will walk us through the highs and lows of each week. We're finally here - Week 1 of the 2021 fantasy season. After months of pontificating and speculating on performances, we finally got a chance to see our teams do battle in the virtual grid iron. Let's see who put in that work and who was here just to have fun. 

Loss Almighty 151.00 vs RUN CMC 162.35

On Thursday Night our league commish was feelin' himself. With a commanding start from Antonio Brown and finally hitting an elusive parlay, it seemed like the stench of not making a chip with Alvin Kamara was washed away. But tragedy struck. Raheem Mostert couldn't make it a full quarter before crumbling like Mr. Glass. Seems like punishment for not handling the powers of Kamara last season. This loss isn't the worst thing in the world though. The team put up respectable numbers despite that loss at RB. What will determine the rest of this season is how you decide to spend FAAB on an RB or trust that Latavius Murray's Monday Night TD is a sign of more to come. At least your parlay win covered your buy-in if you don't make the chip. 

As our perennial solid drafter, Jesus decided to showcase his skills in the flesh. We were blessed with his presence and the presents of cookies. The gift that he received in return was a dominant performance from Kyler Murray and a rejuvenated CMC. If you play your cards right, you might be able to fly into second place and recoup some of the costs of that flight. Your bench ain't deep so hopefully you won't be plagued with start em sit em decisions that prevent the wins (and lost chips). Solid victory. 

Team Disqualified 152.35 vs Chubby Chasers 179.70

Now this was an interesting loss. As the newcomer in the league and already 225 in the hole worth of fees, getting a win out of the gate should be priority number 1. With this loss, you're extending a trend I've seen in the league. A GM brings in new blood only to make themselves stronger and have a chance at the chip. DQ didn't do anything wrong here. His team just got melted by the highest scoring team of the week. We know its only Week 1 and shouldn't mean much. But this sundae didn't have the whip cream, sprinkles, and cherries that it took to get the win. You may be a champ in 10 man leagues but this big boy 12 man territory. Tread lightly.

After having baby mama drama without having a baby and phoning in his number 1 pick, Trav has surprised everyone with the highest point total of the week. Trav came out the gate hot with a 38 point night from Amari Cooper and the heat never stopped. Somehow, Trav was able to do this with a donut from Aiyuk. After many years of clawing your way out the JUCO circuit, you could find yourself in the playoffs this year and take advantage of Quis in a trade. I would've made a joke about the whole "flewed" out thing, but you're highest point total this week and for that you get a free pass.

Certified Lover Boyd 133.55 vs Covid 21 145.95

What an embarrassing example of having players ball on the bench. Things were looking great on Thursday with Lamb while Gronk was on Quis' bench. Boyd did those tables turn quickly. Courtland Sutton and Tyler Boyd could've easily been benched for Deebo Samuel and Ty'shon Williams. Nobody expected you to start Melvin Gordon over those guys but that would've worked too. Maybe it was the hubris of thinking you took candy from the baby of the league, but it really wasn't worth it. I think you should get the carbon monoxide detector checked in the house with these roster decisions you made. You were in the chip last year - you're better than this. 

This week, Quis started exactly who he was supposed to start. While I'd love to destroy him about having Gronk on the bench, there's no way he'd bench Kelce. He didn't really BEAT Adam and instead allowed Adam to beat himself. Real judo-like in this week's maneuvers. As reigning two time champ, it must feel good to win the games you're supposed to win and cap off beating Adam in last year's chip with a fresh victory this season. Your chances of 3-peating are slim, but as long as GM's start and sit the way this week went, you'll be in the playoffs in no time. Good win. 

Lost Lobos 104.75 vs Becton Egg and Cheese 144.75

With the lowest point total of the week, it's time to reflect on the draft. With his 7th overall pick, Ian decided to take the unnecessary risk of drafting Michael Thomas like he had the healing factor of Wolverine. With guys like Deebo Samuel and Brandin Cooks available, this one is gonna sting for weeks. Besides the rough draft, this week was a cornucopia of bad luck. Aaron Rodgers gets engaged and all of his MVP powers vanished. Saquon gets a measly 10 carries. Najee Harris performed exactly like a rookie. This week for you was the reason custodians have jobs - to clean up trash like this. With so many players out or not performing, you've got a lot of work ahead of you. Maybe you can vent to someone about it. 

This first win for Eddie without his partner Hector to cheer him on. First off, I've never seen an offensive tackle manage to get enough clout to garner a fantasy team name. Secondly, he's already out 4-6 weeks so how about you change your team name to match being in the winning category. Other than poor choice in a team name, Eddie got a solid win with a great start from Matthew Stafford. Jerry Juedy did enough to get points before going down and Christian Kirk might be able to take his place as long as Kyler keeps Kylering. This season I'm gonna be watching closely to see if Hector was behind your teams success or failure. For now, good job and tell hubs we said hello.

 You Done Messed Up Shorty 133.35 vs The Neon Icon 144.65

If there was anyone I thought Shorty would beat this week, it would've been the Neon Icon. The commish gassed you with the idea of a "trifecta" (which comprised of a kicker) but guys like Tyrell Williams and the rest of your bench won't be enough to carry this struggle bus to the promised land. Funny enough, BOTH A-Aron's actually did mess up your team. New Year, same old comical luck for Shorty. For the league's sake and your own sanity, I really hope your FAAB money finds some gold on the waivers for an extra WR. Otherwise you're just gonna try to beat up on Ian and Gordon to salvage your season. 

After being one of the two laughing stocks of the league, this was a much needed win for the Neon Icon himself. Godwin and DHop lead the charge and he never looked back. While staring down the Monday Night scary hours, his team held strong. This year might see a berth into the playoffs as long as he doesn't Plax himself and trade away Dhop.....again. There's some real potential for this team to disrupt the status quo and avoid the loser fee, but its a long 16 weeks and anything can happen. For now, enjoy waking a solid win and don't get too crazy.

This Team Iz He Who Remains a Loser 135.75 vs Da GAWD 140.60

This week, Gordon destroyed his own team in Gordon fashion. This 12 man isn't like your 16 team masochist league. Word on the street is your trade rape came with Russel Gage and some Jergens. Nobody is searching for dudes like Gage or the practice squad member that'll get in by Week 12. Had you started started literally ANY other player other than Gage, you get the win while DA GAWD tries to understand how he had so many points on the bench. For months I tried to prepare him, but Gordon told me he's a old brave nigga like Hank Aaron. Maybe it was plagues, I think that 16 team league is messing with your head. It's distorting your reality of good fantasy players. Hope you voted no on that increase of the loser fee. 

For them to think that they could step in the ring with me and avoid my plagues.....is unbelievable. Despite having duds from Tannehill, Diggs and Tonyan, DA GAWD still rose victorious. While battling in the cosmos, Drip Van Winkle managed to get wins in every single league while having and playing against Tyreek Hill, Amari Cooper, Antonio Brown, CeeDee Lamb, DJ Moore, Miles Sanders and countless others. DA GAWD should've known that when he walked across the plank over a pool of sharks that he'd be able to toe the line week 1. You're all on notice because DA GAWD will be back on the throne. 

#Amen